Is this the most empowering time to be a mother?

Laura Duncan - 5 Apr 18

So my journey through motherhood has not been very typical. I found out I was pregnant after just three months of trying, which was followed by eight weeks of the most hideous nausea, but no vomiting. Most annoying. It was a brilliant end to my thirtieth year, but I was still worried. Was this the kind of world I wanted to bring a baby into?

I was then told at the twenty week scan that things were going to be different for us. That our baby was going to be born with no osepahgus which as you can imagine was a huge shock. Fast forward nearly four years and we are living with our beautiful boy, who is able to eat and drink normally thanks to the work of the most amazing surgeons and consultants, work that would not have been possible ten or twenty years ago.

We had a very bumpy start, via a five week stay in the ante natal ward in one of London’s specialist hospitals, then a six month stay in the NICU. It all sounds very very scary to anyone else. But to me, it is my journey, it is my path to motherhood and although I wish for all the world that my son didn’t have to go through it, I have no negative feelings about the experience. Thanks to the care and support of my employers, a plan was put in place to evacuate me to London if I went into labour prematurely (which I did and went to London via our local hospital). They continued to support me during my ante natal and post natal stay, even though my maternity leave was (as expected) begun over two months early. My contract was up for renewal during my first few months as a mother. I was terrified, expecting I would lose my job.

Thankfully, despite me being on maternity leave, caring for a premature baby and uncertain of my return date, my contract was renewed and made permanent. Of all of the worries I had during that time (and I had plenty!) knowing I had a job to go back to if and when I wanted to was the biggest comfort to me. Changes in legislation mean that companies now have to be very careful about terminating the employment of any employee who is pregnant or has recently had a baby. Changes to parental leave even means that fathers can share the maternity leave with their partners.

I was embraced into the very tight knit community of premmie mums, friends who I am still in contact with now, who share a bond it is difficult to explain. I tried my hardest to switch off from the hospital and London based friends visited, took me out for dinner and generally entertained me as much as possible, which I will never forget.  On our return home, we had a whole load of appointments scheduled to make sure that our premature baby was being supported in reaching his developmental milestones. The whole way, our journey was being guided by professionals and our loved ones.

I cut my teeth at a messy play group, which was just as terrifying for me as it was my son, we moved onto an amazing play group which I still miss now and the parents I still chat to if I bump into them (although I can’t remember their names, everyone is just so-and-so’s mum). Premature birth often has longer term implications and for my son it has been separation. As in he doesn’t want to. Without the patience of his pre-school key worker, I would still be a sobbing mess and so would he. Knowing he is having the time of his life running around the garden or painting helps me to focus more on my work.

I cannot imagine a more empowering time to be a mother. Career options are now more flexible, more adaptable to a family life, more baby and toddler groups are available, blogs, online forums and groups offer support 24 hours a day and we are clinging closer to our friends than ever before, relying on them for the emotional support we ( in some cases) used to get from our parents. Grandparents are healthier, often younger than in previous years and on hand to offer advice and childcare, in some cases free of charge.

I cannot express how grateful I am to be a mother right now. There are plenty of things that are challenging, juggling work, childcare and housework is a tricky balance and someone always loses out (looking at my very gritty windows it is probably them right now) but on the whole, it is a pretty good experience.

Laura Duncan

I'm 33 years old and live in Kent with my husband and two year old son. I love crafting, creating and writing. I am a Duke of Edinburgh's Award Leader and an Early Years professional. You can follow my adventures at www.luckystardesigns.co.uk.

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