It’s okay to let them play

Sarah Vaughan - 5 Aug 19

For the past half an hour or so, I have been pottering around my house doing various bits and pieces that needed to be done on a rainy Monday morning.

Meanwhile, my youngest son has been left to his own devices and is currently lost in a world of Playmobil Vikings and Pirates. There are ships sailing across the living room, there are conflicts occurring between characters, there is narrative and there is even musical accompaniment, as he hums a little tune to himself.

He has not said a word to me – I’m not even sure if he’s aware that I am here. I will not interrupt him nor ask what he is doing, because I do not want to burst his delicious bubble of pure childhood play.

Stepping away from my children and enabling this to happen has not come easily to me, and it has taken a long time, and three children, to recognise the real value of doing this, both for myself, and most importantly for my children.

It’s hard as a parent, to resist the urge to butt in, to question them and ask what they are doing, or to enquire what they want for lunch. It is hard – but it’s not impossible.

As a parent, I have often felt that I am expected to provide entertainment and education for my children at all times. I’ve felt that if I just ‘left them to it,’ even for a short time, I was being lazy, and a day of doing ‘nothing’ at home was a total waste of a day – parenting guilt would always set in. How wrong I was. As a family we had done plenty on those days, jobs had been completed and the children had played all day, the benefits of which were immense.

As parents, we place ourselves under far too much pressure to give our children as many opportunities to learn and develop as we can, in the belief that this will teach them valuable life skills. It starts from birth with baby and toddler classes, and continues through nursery. The quest for academic achievement is pushed throughout the school years, accompanied by after school clubs, music lessons, sports fixtures, drama clubs and so on.

I have no doubt that each of these activities hold incredible value for children, but maybe choosing one or two at most is enough, for both the child and their exhausted parents who are constantly delivering their overwhelmed children to all of these structured activities.

I often observe frazzled parents on a Monday morning telling friends that they had been to gymnastics at 6am on Saturday morning, then a rugby tournament at 12 noon and two birthday parties on Sunday. If this sound familiar to you, I want to tell you something right now and you may feel it’s controversial, but here goes… It’s okay not to do ALL of these things. Nothing bad will happen, in fact, something good may happen.

Giving our children the time and freedom to play, without interruption, develops so many life skills. It supports the development of things such as:

• Independence
• Social skills
• Conflict resolution within themselves and with others
• Problem solving
• Risk taking (Sometimes I can’t watch! Obviously if it’s really dangerous I step in.)
• Creativity – at play we get lost in our own subconscious and this allows for much more creative thinking.
• Learning new skills without pressure
• Narrative and language development
• Musicality
• Physical activity and spacial awareness

Not only this, but as a parent it gives you some time to do all those bits and pieces that always need doing, or time to just catch your breath and sit down with a hot cup of tea. What a treat! It’s alright, you can do that – I’ve written an entire blog post and my son is still totally engrossed in his play.

Of course there is also great value in playing with your child, if they invite you to and I’m not suggesting that you make yourself inaccessible to your children. However, sometimes stepping back and giving each other space to get on with essential tasks like self-care and play is just the right thing to do, and I highly recommend it.

Sarah Vaughan

Sarah Vaughan is a mum of three, a Teacher and Early Years Specialist, a children’s author and a holistic therapist. She the founder of The Play Well Trust - a small charity which promotes the restorative powers of play for children and families, when a child is seriously ill. She is also the founder of The Do Try This at Home School, an online space offering FREE creative, educational activities for children and families to try together at home.

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