It’s Only the Beginning of Everything

Laura Maclennan - 25 Apr 18

Julie Andrews sang about Do, Ray, Me -ing and starting at the start so let’s do that.

I will begin by telling you that the day you leave the hospital (or indeed the day the hospital leaves you if you birth at home) watching over your shoulder, checking that the midwives haven’t made a mistake and aren’t going to suddenly begin to chase you down and reclaim your bundle of joy, is NOT The Beginning.

Sitting over the Napper Rocker/Moses Basket/ Car Seat when you’ve got rid of the grandparents and staring at this little actual person, alone and not quite knowing what to do next is NOT The Beginning.

Waving off the co-parent whilst simultaneously fighting back tears and realising that you can eat the Terry’s Chocolate Orange to yourself guilt free is NOT The Beginning ( but that IS a great start!)

The day Real Life kicks in is The Beginning; the day you go back to work (I realise that some of you reading may not have gone back to work; therefore, see the above about Terry’s Chocolate Orange, delete as appropriate and skim to relevant bits!)

I was lucky enough to go back to work for five days before six weeks off and then moved to a four-day work week. This did not stop the very harsh reality of The Beginning bursting The Bubble. From there on in, that is where life as I knew it ended; not the day we brought the Awesome One home.

Nothing bites you on the bum quite like sitting at your workplace and realising that whilst everything has changed for you, nothing has changed in the world. I mean, how is that even possible? You are a mum! There is a little Human in the world because of you and that is a big deal… behind your closed door and within your circle. For the rest of the world it is business as usual and that takes some getting your head around. In fact, from here on in, there is quite a lot to get your head around – and that is something I wasn’t told – but it is one of the bigger transitions of parenthood.

Just so you know, before I continue, I know that women have been giving birth since forever, so I don’t for a minute think that the return to work post baby should come with a fanfare. I am just trying to demonstrate the different perspective between the returning mammy and everyone else out there.

It is at this stage of The Beginning where your brain starts to play tricks on you. You are surrounded by business as usual – and rightly so – meaning that it becomes scarily easy to try and fall back into the work pattern you had pre-baby. You work a reduced day or week and yet find yourself over filling your days so as you don’t look like having a baby is an excuse for you to appear slack. I returned with a complete job role change (that I wasn’t consulted on until last minute and arrangements had already been made to suit the rest of the team; so who was I to kick up a fuss?) and a four day week. We made a plan, arranged childcare, checked our finances and eased ourselves back into Real Life as a family. Pre my return it all seemed ideal and manageable and like I had hit the jackpot.
The reality however… for me I couldn’t do it! I just couldn’t. I like to give 100% to everything and feeling like I was only giving 75% (if that) in all areas of my life was crippling me physically, mentally and emotionally. Who do you go to for that? If your colleagues are less than understanding, you can’t speak to them. Your boss is so incredibly busy that when you are trying to appear competent, bringing it to them seems frivolous. Bringing it back home doesn’t help anything in your brain because that is magic time and you don’t want to taint it.
So where does that leave you?

You are utterly knackered; and I’ve not even talked about where your lovely baby is whilst all this goes on. Awesome One went to the most amazing Nursery for three days, dropped off and collected by Daddy. One day a week is spent with Grandma who she adores and then we got to spend a day together. Again, it all seemed ideal but as the months drew on, I missed seeing my baby and I longed for drop off and pick up, feeling like I was missing out on a crucial part of their life. I dropped Awesome One with Grandma Monday mornings but felt so utterly stressed by the traffic, being on time, the guilt of the ‘drop and drive’ and then trying to switch my brain into work mode, then constant thoughts during work about getting back to collect at a sensible hour so you don’t have added guilt about taking a lend of Grandma – all before 8.30am at the start of a week! Urg!

New Role trumps Work Role
It is this reality that is the first piece of ash to fall from the big, beautiful, unpredictable, erupted volcano that is now your life. You won’t swap it, you don’t recognise most of it, but its yours.

So how can you control this?

Making Up the Beginning:

· As much as you don’t want to think about returning to work, a plan in place for you return will help the transition

· Request a meeting with your boss or manager on your return, or better yet, pre return and talk about all of your concerns and the expectations of you. If you worry you might forget things, write them down; that’s ok and baby brain, right?

· Write a ‘To Do’ list every day to keep on top of your work load.

· Try not to be tempted to do more that you are paid for. I am all for going The Extra Mile – it is in my blood – however you need to know you are in control of your day and not the other way around.

· Communicate with your boss or manager and your colleagues. Ask for help, let them know if things are too difficult. If you are going to work and doing work, this is more than ok.

· Make some time for you to refuel – this can seem like an hilarious and unattainable prospect; but oh my goodness is it essential. Eat lunch AWAY from your desk!

· Be sure to be happy with your childcare as this takes a massive weight off. Ask family for help too. Eventually Awesome One began sleeping over at Grandma’s for a while. The guilt about that is another thing, but the week started better and I got some adult time with Daddy – another important thing.

Take what tips work for you – they might not be relevant to all. They also might not be enough BUT they might help you feel a little more in control in The Beginning!
#sprinklesprinkle
Laura xoxo

Laura Maclennan

View profile for posts, events and more info