Let’s Celebrate Women Every Day

Alison Ford - 7 Mar 19

I have always felt like I don’t fit the traditional mould of “Mother”. I was the first to suggest wine during the almost daily NCT coffee dates (I mean wine in the day, not a separate night out). I was one of the few parents in baby group who couldn’t give a shit about whether my child had produced a shit that week. And I found toddler groups really fucking boring.

Now, none of this means I don’t love the bones of my children (though sometimes I seriously can’t stand their behaviour, I won’t lie). No, I think I’m just part of a growing number of “women who happen to have kids” who aren’t afraid to say that they are keen to retain their own identity as a human and not be reduced to a singular ‘role’ to define their existence or be bound by someone else’s rules and opinions.

I would just like to say that I make no judgement of women who love and embrace their mother title and own it as a badge of honour. We are indeed, lucky to be mothers and believe me I’m the first to understand that this mother gig is HARD. So please don’t think I’m not admiring and respecting of those who feel differently to me. That’s the point – it’s really ok that we see it differently.

On a daily basis I meet incredible women (who happen to be mothers) from all walks of life. Stay at home mums, full time and part time workers, stepmothers, women who feel that since having kids they’re finally fulfilled, mothers who wonder WTF kind of mess they’ve got themselves into, and every other type of mother in between. But what all of us have in common is that we are each navigating the changes in our identity as people since having kids and running the gauntlet of what’s ‘right’ for us in terms of the shape and feel of our lives.

As International Women’s Day approaches, I’m struck by the sheer power of anyone who identifies as a woman and most especially the unique and particular hurdles that women-with-kids encounter. One of the privileges of my work involves re-acquainting women with their inner strength, confidence and freedom to decide what’s right for them. Whether this is breastfeeding or bottle, baby group or workgroup, toddler tantrums or boardroom outbursts, playdough maker or masterpiece creator, lipstick wearer or facepainter, strict rule enforcer or childhood negotiator, creative crafter or cheap-book-day-costume-buyer (that’s me). IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER!

These are choice points that we absolutely, categorically and freely have the right to make. For ourselves and for our families. There is no modern woman who has it all stitched up (unless you’re talking literally about those of us that required vaginal repair after childbirth). There is no right way to act and feel as a woman other than your own way. But in today’s world there seems to be too much judgement, anxiety and internal fear for so many women who happen to have kids. About the decisions they make, about who they are, and especially about how others view them.

It’s time for all women to embrace their feminine power and be confident in determining their own path. No more feeling corralled into potty training at a certain age or returning to a shit job we hate just because ‘the maternity policy is good’. No more unfairly comparing our own choices to those of someone else (because why would you compare say, Donald Trump to Mother Teresa and think they’re a reasonable comparison. I mean, really?)

As women who happen to have children, we are all different and we are all similarly amazing. We are bringing up small humans FFS! We are powerful, we are strong, we are beautiful and talented and skilled and so much more besides.  We are vital to this world and it’s time to celebrate who we are as women. Every day, not just International Women’s Day.

Alison Ford

Alison is a Wellbeing Life Coach and founder of Simply Thrive Wellbeing Services. Alison also runs Not Just Another Mothers’ Group on FB/Instagram - a platform for women (who happen to have children) where being yourself is the only requirement.

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