Liberated, or lost? Giving up your career for your children…

rachlouise110 - 29 Jun 18

Since I decided to take a break in my career (possibly a permanent break), I’ve had this feeling that I just cannot pin down. I feel free, liberated even. I have my Sundays back. I’m not shipping my children off at silly o’clock to childcare, to then pick them up again at silly o’clock pm, rush through their dinner and homework, and will them to go to bed so that I can turn on that laptop. Mark those books. I’m FREE of that. The strain, and heartbreak, of making every child fit in that box. Of the endless paperwork. Paperwork that doesn’t make a difference to those children’s lives. I wanted to make a difference to them.

Now don’t start thinking this is a ‘woe – is – me’ kind of post, it isn’t. But teaching is tough! Anyone who knows a teacher, is married to one, or is one, knows it. Yes the holidays are nice, blah blah blah, but it’s not about that. The stress, the strain, the toll on family life, the toll on mental health. The sacrifices are HUGE. So yes, I feel free. I feel liberated. But I can’t shake this other feeling. Almost a feeling of loss. I feel lost. Teaching was my career, my life choice. My passion.

I love being a parent helper at my daughter’s school. I love that I can drop her off every single day, and stay for the reading activity, help her with her morning work, go on school trips. But it’s not the same. I sometimes long for more.

But the trade-off? Do I long for more at the cost of not being at the school gates to greet my daughter (who has Turner Syndrome, and so dearly needs me to be the one that she comes out to every day and has her meltdown because being at school is such a BIG thing for her)? Do I long for more at the cost of not being the one to take my gorgeous baby boy to playgroups, to sit in the sunshine with him, to walk the dog with him, to continue my nursing journey with him?

No.

I think I am ok at being lost, for the sake of my gorgeous children. For now. Maybe not always. Am I lucky to not have to go to ‘work’? Yes I guess I am, but I could sure do with the money – I juggle an array of ‘jobs’ just to not have to teach. But it’s ok. For now. In fact it’s MORE THAN OK. I’m privileged.

Stay at home parents, working parents, whatever kind of parent you are… you are doing an amazing job <3 

rachlouise110

Mum of two, wife, teacher (now ex!), worrier (yes worrier, not warrior!), avid card-sender, doorstep flower deliverer and dog lover. I’m passionate about sharing our family experience of Turner Syndrome, and my own personal experience of anxiety.

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