THE REBELLIOUS ACT OF LOVING YOURSELF

Molly Gunn, Editor - 1 Sep 23

Selfish Mother is 10 years old this week. If I’d been more ‘on it’ I would have created a snazzy montage or even thrown a party, but I’m tired, so instead I scrolled photos on my phone and smiled. Looking at the pics, I felt proud of my last decade: raising three children; creating a brand; raising a million for charity; writing newspaper articles and blog posts; interacting with a wonderful community; growing my social media; buying and refurbishing two properties; celebrities wearing my tops; running a bricks and mortar shop; a novel – 75,000 words in (and counting); launching a new brand; and a happy, noisy, healthy family. I thought: go me! 

But, isn’t it funny how pride feels like a guilty pleasure? In fact I weighed up more than once if I should even write this blog post. As if to admit being proud of oneself is… gauche. As if to be proud might signal – gasp – that one likes oneself too much. Simmer down! My inner voice tells me. Don’t you remember it’s uncool to self-salute?

The thing is that I even feel proud for things that others might call failures. Such as selling a house to release financial burdens. Or closing a shop that shined brightly, or shrinking my brand and letting staff go, so that I could have a simpler life. Of tricky conversations with my husband over marriage and divorce. I’m proud of listening to my gut, and throwing my safety mask on first. Of how I’ve opted for self-preservation over drowning. 

You see, I’m proud because I – whisper it – love myself. Yes, – louder now – I LOVE MYSELF. Wow, can you believe I admitted that? How smug! What a raging egotist! I actually put it down on paper! What’s strange is that self-love at a certain level can feel like wading through treacle: you’re just not meant to do it. There’s an Insta meme that chimes perfectly, “In a society that profits from self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act.”

For all the mental health and wellness content about, it feels like the subtext is: “Love yourself, but not too much!” Especially women. “Ooh get her,” people say, about women who like themselves just a little bit too much. “She ought to be brought down a peg or two.” Especially when there are so many imperfections. When so much needs fixing! Take me, with my imperfect 5″2 frame, my shoddy finances, my on-off cooking skills, my messy house, and my questionable business skills. How dare I love myself when there’s so much to improve! Don’t I want to… grow? Where’s my humility and growth mindset FFS!

Maybe I’m born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline, but self-love comes naturally to me. But even writing that sentence steps outside my comfort zone. I’ve long wanted to have Molly Gunn tattooed on my upper arm – maybe I should bite the bullet. I like my name, so sue me! On meeting my husband Tom, 22 years ago, he was surprised that sometimes I gave myself a little kiss on the arm. I can see my spirited daughter has the same self-love, too. I want to help her hold onto it, to not think she’s ‘too much,’ as she grows up. 

The thing is that we don’t all need fixing all of the time. We don’t always have to do the work. Sometimes we simply need to stop and bask in how we are today. Our achievements – good and bad. Because if we don’t love ourselves who is going to love us back? Self-love takes practice. It’s my homework to you for the weekend. Loving words to yourself in the mirror, however trite sounding, or giving yourself a kiss on the arm, however awkward, is a start.

The joy is that self-love doesn’t diminish your love for other people. In fact, it means you’re better equipped to look after others. It encourages you to put your safety mask on first; which was the ethos of Selfish Mother when it launched a decade ago. A big Hell Yes to that still. 

Molly Gunn, Editor

Molly Gunn is the founder and editor of Selfish Mother, a site she created for like-minded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out working on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for quality publications. She now edits Selfish Mother, sells #GoodTees to raise funds for charity, & writes freelance for Red Magazine and The Sunday Telegraph's Stella. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 6, Fox, 4, and baby Liberty. She is married to Tom aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live in Bruton, Somerset.

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