There is a time when a number can mean everything, when it’s used in relation to chromosomes. For those in the know, the topic of this post will have immediately become apparent…47 chromosomes.

The average person only has 46; if you have 47 chromosomes then it means you have Down’s syndrome.

I have two brothers in law. Both of them have Down’s syndrome.

Prior to meeting my husband I’d never encountered someone with Down’s syndrome, or any other learning disability for that matter. I think I was more nervous to meet them than I was to meet my prospective in-laws. I’d done my research, looked up what I might expect; the problem is that, the websites are all factual; the sites give details of physical characteristics, examples of learning difficulties, medical difficulties or other associated conditions. I’m not being critical; but it just didn’t give me what I needed to know. I wasn’t worried about how they’d behave or anything like that; it was more than being introduced to the boys meant that our relationship was important and likely to go some distance.

The oldest of the brothers Tom, in those days was painfully shy; he didn’t really speak to anyone outside the family. It’s quite unbelievable to look back at him now as he says exactly what he thinks and is not shy about anything (seriously nothing). He’ll speak to anyone and has been known to give a fellow gym goer a rousing slap on the bottom whilst getting changed.

But then… well it took a good six months for him to acknowledge my existence and to begin to call me Girl and well after another three months on a family trip to the Zoo, he finally called me Emma, well Emba. I cried and the name stuck.

Charlie was ten years old when I met him and he was instantly my friend and I loved him from the get go. He used to sneak into my husbands room once he’d gone to work to sit in bed with me, we’d play games and do jigsaws. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure he annoyed both of us, as we were a new couple and he wanted to be with us 24 7 but he definitely made me feel welcome.

I’ve learnt such a lot about people and emotions and well behaviour since I’ve been around Tom and Charlie. For example, if you like someone tell them, if you don’t like them then well tell them that too. If you want to kiss someone then do it…I mean who doesn’t like a kiss? Don’t hold a grudge, life can change in an instant so there’s no point in being angry. Life for Tom and Charlie, is black and white, there are no shades of grey.  Tom has a real Disney view of love and it is beautiful. Girls are Princesses and Boys are Princes who treated women beautifully and live happily ever after.

If you want a bouncy castle at your birthday party regardless of your ages then you should absolutely have one, birthdays are fun right? And well you should do what you want to do; and if it rains at your party you go inside and sing on the karaoke and take your clothes off…(sorry Stephen) ok maybe you should check who is there… but then do it!

Ok so I admit that you can’t always do every little thing that you want to do, but my point is that the both live their lives to the fullest and are totally true to themselves. They are more than the factual descriptions; more than the characteristics that the lucky number 47 causes. I know that my life would have been duller and darker without them both in it. They’ve taught me to be more honest, braver, and more confident…just more. Don’t get me wrong, there are massive moments of frustration but they are no more frequent than with any other child/teenager/adult. I know my Mother in Law has moments where she has to count very slowly to ten in her head before answering either of them.

Neither of my children have Down’s syndrome. If I had never met Tom and Charlie I’m sure I would have had the tests offered during pregnancy and I might have made a different decision, but because I have had them in my life I know that Down’s syndrome doesn’t have to be scary; it doesn’t mean that the baby wont have the life you wanted for them, it just might take a while longer or go on a slightly different route but it will get there in the end. Down’s syndrome isn’t life threatening and in my opinion it isn’t something that needs to be cured. In my experience it isn’t even something that you have to adjust to. They are just the same as any one else. 

As I write this Charlie is finishing his final term at residential college in Shropshire. He’s now a confident 21-year-old man; he’s preparing to move into a property with one of his friends, he’ll be attending horticultural college a couple of times a week and is working out what sort of job he’d like to do. Tom whilst still living at home has the most active of social lives and is out regularly whether at the gym or swimming, social clubs and bowling. I’m very envious of it!

I called this post lucky number 47; I’m sure there will be mixed reactions to that; but I know that anyone who like me has spent a significant amount of time around anyone with Down’s syndrome will agree that we are lucky to have them in our lives; yes they’re different but its what is different about them that makes them who they are, and who they are is made up of more than an extra chromosome, more than a number because who they are is beautiful.