managing toddler tantrums-because they really are the worst.

Ellie Hutchinson - 25 Oct 18

OMG TODDLERS. We have one nearly five year old and one two year old, and man alive the terrible twos are a terrible thing. We can all agree that this period of child development is where your child is almost, technically, an actual monster- beautiful, terrible, angry, playful monsters.

We’ve tried reward charts, we’ve tried gentle parenting, we’ve tried not so gentle parenting and I’ve googled the life out of “how to cope with toddler tantrums”. In my meanderings round the internet, there are lots of ideas about how families can manage tantrums- feel those feelings, gentle voices, recognise this is a normal part of development, routines, rewards etc etc, but there’s actually not much out there about how *you* -yourself, the person being screamed at in that moment can manage toddler tantrums. But there should be! Because who wants to start and middle and sometimes end their day with that level of aggro? Toddlers, that’s who. But as a 37 old woman, I certainly do not.  Part of the journey of parenthood is accepting where we are right now, and where we are is that toddlers are going to tantrum. To quote RuPaul, sometimes you just have to walk through those flames. But mama has needs too, and this is my list of what gets me through those moments.

EAR DEFENDERS

This was actually a top tip from a friend- but seriously. Don’t shy aware from taking the screech out of your day. You can still hear them but it’s not quite so draining. They came in super handy one morning this week as I was setting gentle but firm boundaries about why we can’t rummage around in the bin. At 7am.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PODCASTS

We’ve just gone from cot to bed and like old people, toddlers hate change. Whilst doing exactly what Jo Frost tells me to about one “it’s bed time” then silence to convince them that being up is no fun, it’s crazy boring as well as frustrating. So to liven the mood- podcasts, headphones, and walk those million steps whilst you put them back to bed for the gazzilionth time.

KEANU REEVES

Obviously the above method is ridiculous if your child is experiencing separation anxiety- which ours currently is, so for three days I have been sitting in the room, near but not next to the bed, looking at the door, not making eye contact (exactly as I read on Mumsnet that time). It’s quiet but it’s dull. This is where you google KEANU REEVES and learn about what a hot and nice man he is. Seriously. Dreamboat.

MEDITATION AND YOGA

It does work- trust me. Even if you just use it to remind yourself to take a breath- that breath is pretty goddamn important when you’re in the middle of a crappy day.

CHOCOLATE BEHIND THE FRIDGE DOOR

Who knew pre-kids that one of your greatest pleasures would be eating a treat without your toddler seeing? So whilst they’re busy “working through some big feelings”, you can steal away and eat that chocolate in [relative] peace.

CBEEBIES

I know know, TV for under 3s is somewhat frowned upon- but do you know what’s also frowned upon? Raging parents. Give yourself a break. Remember, CBeebies is so educational it’s pretty much school anyway.

YOU’VE GOT THIS

Repeat after me- you’ve got this. Stress does wacky things to our brain, and when we’re under pressure we do not bring our best selves to the party. When you’re in that moment or you think this is never going to end- remember- you’ve got this. Breathe and think of Keanu Reeves and you’ll be fine.

LOL IT OUT

A few weeks ago I had to abandon my trolley and carry a screaming toddler rugby-ball style out of Tescos. And not an express one either- a massive one.  He decided that he did not want to sit in the trolley anymore, clambered out and commando style tantrumed across the shop floor. For maybe 10 minutes. Or a lifetime. Who knows. It felt like both. #livingmybestlife.  But really, what else can you other than laugh?

Because although toddlers can be total dicks, they are also hilarious. Who does that? Who thinks that’s ok?!

Toddlers- that’s who. Because they literally do not give a fuck about you or your social norms. They don’t care about managing emotions, sharing, whether or not bins are appropriate toys, putting clothes on or your grown up capitalist agenda to get to work on time. They are the original anarchists.

Wee loves.

So yes, do those rewards and stickers, and clear and firm boundaries, and gentle low voices, and positive affirmations and all that jazz. But you are not a parenting robot- this is draining. Find those small pleasures, and do them often.

Ellie Hutchinson

Feminist. Mum of two. Lover of red wine and Channing Tatum.

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