Memoirs of a biker widow (7)

Julia Day-Stewart - 12 Mar 18

The Perfect Song

‘Our thing’ was watching back to back episodes from a box-set series on sky, we loved nothing more than to snuggle in our king size new IKEA bed scoffing sweets, his favourite were Haribo star mix. He liked the little jelly men.. the purple and green ones best. I would pick them out one by one in colour order and feed them to him.
We had just finished ‘The Black’ and ‘Power’ series and were now onto ‘The Walking Dead’ . It’s because of watching this messed up zombie dialogue that we talked a lot about what we’d do if either of us died.
This is when he told me categorically that he didn’t want to be buried, because he didn’t want to rot away and be eaten by worms… or turn into a zombie.

Plonker.

He also thought that flowers saying Words like ‘Brother’ were naff and when he died he’d have a ‘pimped up coffin’ and have someone super famous singing at his wake like he was some kind of legend…

We had these mad conversations, we literally talked about everything and anything. He was amazing to talk to, he had a really deep, sick sense of humour and outlook of the world. We just clicked. Sometimes all I’d have to do was look at him and I’d know exactly what he was thinking no matter how twisted the situation was.

For many nights after he died, I lay in that IKEA bed, on my side. Pen in hand, planning that epic funeral. Trying so hard to imagine what he would have wanted.

I’d never planned a funeral before. Where the heck do you start, I guess there was the standard stuff like picking who would walk him in. Ok well that was easy, he had four brothers, cousins and best friends, they could do that.
Then there was music. I was told it is deemed standard to have three songs, walking in. A song to reflect and then walking out.
For someone like Rob who loved his music, this was a pretty stressful task. That’s the one thing I’ve remembered from the funerals i’ve been to and the one question people always ask.. ‘what songs did they have’.
Google funeral songs and you are faced with the most emotionally breaking, wrist slashing, gut wrenching pieces of music. I remember years ago asking my friend to sing ‘Arms of the Angel’ at my funeral when I go, just to make people cry.
Now that’s just mean I know.

His best friend suggested an R-Kelly song from his youth, apparently he had played this song non stop and listening to it, the words were almost written for him. He was carried in to ‘World’s Greatest’ because that’s who he was, to me anyway.
My daughter still sings it around the house, getting the words a little jumbled but it’s makes me smile.

The song choice for the reflective part was difficult. I lay many, many nights in our bed with headphones in, searching for the one. The one poignant, emotional song. The celebrandt suggested this should be the emotive one.
Well crumbs, where do I start. I sobbed my heart out to every single love song I could find in my Spotify list.
I came across our shared album and noticed how many Ed Sheeran songs he had put on there.
I scrolled through some new material and found ‘Perfect’. This was it. It wasn’t released, it was unknown and I’d never heard it before but it was just ironically perfect.
I sent it to my friend and she agreed. Her voice is beautiful and I remember thinking this would be my favourite part of my boyfriend’s funeral service.
What a bloody odd thought.
The exit song was chosen by his brothers, again another song he had played non stop as a teenager, more up beat and just him.

It never ever crossed my mind before that planning a funeral would be so stressful. Not only was I responsible for it running smoothly but I had to capture who Rob was and make the whole day represent everything he lived for.
Pressure much?!

He thought buffet food was naff too, even though he’d plough his way through one quite happily whenever we’d go to an event.
But for him, he always wanted the biggest and best. The shiniest and most expensive.

Because he was self proclaimed the ‘World’s Greatest…

I hear that Ed Sheeran song everywhere. I know with it being released shortly after his funeral it would be around but it is EVERYWHERE. When I’m driving, in the hair dressers, on TV, in the supermarket, in the restaurants when I’m out with friends, in the bars, even in the tattoo shop both times I’ve been in for Rob’s sittings.

Its like I can’t escape from it and even my children shout triumphantly ‘it’s Rob’s song!’ then quickly turning the radio channel over…

Before their mum starts crying again..

’

Julia Day-Stewart

Mum of three. Widow at 35years of age. Mother, Nurse, Realist. Broken but surviving. Lost and drowning but floating in the light of the moon. Amazed by the power of love and the strength of human compassion. I am no writer, I barely scraped past my gcses. So excuse the appalling grammar. I lost my soul mate in 2017 whilst pregnant with his first child (now aged 7 Months). One moment, one poor decision and so many lives destroyed. I decided to start a blog. Firstly to empty my head and help with my own PTSD and secondly to try and help others. Grief can be very lonely and physically destructive.

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