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#metoo: The things I want my kids to know
An array of Hollywood’s women have come forward to speak out about the endemic, institutional problem of sexual abuse within the film and TV industry.
What’s more, these stories have awoken a latent rage in women who have never met Weinstein and have nothing to do with the acting profession.
Women halfway around the world and in a million ’ordinary’ jobs: women who are sick and tired of feeling objectified, threatened, disrespected, preyed upon, undervalued;
Women who are tired of rape ’jokes’, cat-calling, everyday sexism, and of men lazily referring to themselves as ’feminists’ while letting their mates’ repulsive discussion of famous female bodies go by without a word.
#metoo
The #metoo campaign that’s all over social media has done exactly what it was supposed to.
It has highlighted the absolutely horrifying ubiquity of women’s experience of sexual abuse, harassment and assault, at the same time as drawing out those utter f**king idiots who question the
WE NEED IT BECAUSE OF FOOLS LIKE YOU, OBVIOUSLY.
WE NEED IT BECAUSE WE NEED YOU TO *SEE*.
At the same time, I’ve found myself viewing #metoo through my Mum Glasses.
How do I feel about all of this as a mother? Especially as the mother of a girl AND a boy?
This morning, I decided to make a mental list of the things I want my children to know about sexuality as they grow up.
Then I wrote it down.
1. Your body is your own. Nobody else’s
You are its sole custodian, and your body owes nothing – ever – to any
Someday, someone might make you feel like you need to repay a kindness, a favour or a taxi share with your body.
That person is entirely wrong, and you should never fear correcting them.
2. Your body is your home. Love, cherish and defend it
Whatever its perceived imperfections (and 99% of them are almost certainly imaginary), your body is a beautiful miracle.
One day, if you are lucky, you will meet someone who recognises and worships it as such.
Until then, worship it yourself.
3. Your right to be master, or
Somebody might one day tell you that decisions about stuff like contraception, who you sleep with and whether you should be allowed to terminate an unwanted pregnancy should not be yours to make.
That person is probably stupid enough to believe that he or she has the right to make such choices on YOUR behalf.
That person is, indisputably, a douche bag.
However, you should not simply ignore them. Protest that shit, and protest it LOUD.
4. You might like boys, or you might like girls. You might like
You like who you like, and as long as you keep yourself safe and strive to be kind, respectful and loyal to the people you have relationships with, I couldn’t give a monkey’s for the rest.
5. You might one day discover that you feel you are living in the wrong body
I can only imagine the pain of such a discovery, but if it ever happens to you I will try to live it with you.
Your hurts will be my hurts, and you will never be alone.
You will always be you, you will always be mine, and I will always love you.
6. There are no grey
Make sure you truly understand the difference, and ALWAYS take responsibility for asking whether something is okay.
7. Never assume that one thing should lead to another, or that you can’t say STOP ’halfway through’
Consent can be withdrawn in any situation, at any moment, because every person’s body is their own and they are in charge of what happens to it.
Never forget this.
8. It isn’t your fault
If ever a day should come when another person frightens, threatens, follows, worries or hurts
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been drinking, what you are wearing or where you were walking.
While it is sensible to try and keep yourself safe – and while I BEG YOU always to do so – nothing that you do, or don’t do, gives anyone else the right to mistreat you.
It is never going to be your fault if they do.
9. Your biological gender does not define you. Screw the stereotypes
Little L: you are allowed to be as ”bossy” as you bloody well like. Never let anyone – male or female – dismiss you or talk over
Run, climb, get messy, play rugby and refuse to wear pink if you don’t want to.
It is not your job to be pretty. It is not your job to be thin.
It is not your job to attract boys, and it doesn’t matter a toss if you aren’t the girl in the class that everyone fancies.
It is not your job to be kind, to be sweet, to be generous or to be sensitive, any more than it is the job of the hundreds of men and boys you will encounter as you grow up.
Being a decent human being is not the sole preserve of women – and
Big L: you will always be allowed to cry. You are allowed to dance.
You are allowed to wear any colour you choose. You do not have to play with guns, and you can watch My Little Pony on Netflix if you wish.
It is not incumbent upon you to be strong, to be rough or to seem as though you do not care too much about people or things.
People who think of such behaviours as desirable in men are, hopefully, soon to be extinct. Don’t let them impose the
10. Be feminists
I literally have zero time for people who say feminism is pointless, unnecessary or (even in the year 2017) dismiss it as the preserve of irate, bra-burning nutters.
Feminism is simply about believing that men and women, while not the same, should have the same basic rights, opportunities and possibilities in life.
Right now, that is not the world we live in – and we will never build that world if we shut our eyes to the truth.
My babies, you are equal in my eyes
Be part of the change to that world. Help to make it better.
