Parenting Poirot: Unravelling the case of the sudden misbehaviour

A Woman Less Ordinary - 14 Feb 18

Sometimes as a parent,  it’s necessary to play the part of Hercule Poirot in order to get the bottom of your kid’s misbehaviour.  A little detective work can go a long way.  Let me tell you the story of the last few days and a bit of context to show you what I mean…

Billy, my very-almost 5 year old is usually a lovely, well behaved child.  If that sounds smug, please let me reassure you that that doesn’t mean that he’s faultless / perfect / beyond reproach!  My parenting gig is every bit as tough, unpredictable and sometimes annoying as yours!  What I mean is that I routinely remove the layers of routine misbehaviour, allowing me to reveal the truth behind each new or unusual misdemeanor.  My belief is that every kid will try out new behaviours on us, their parents to see what we will do about it.

The layers of misbehaviour that are easiest (ha ha ha!) to remove are…

• Your kid must be getting enough sleep
• They should be eating well
• You need effective behaviour management techniques in  place (such as Time Out or Consequences)
• And you should know who they really are

So, here are the events leading up to yesterday morning’s Detective work:

1. I, a Woman Less Ordinary, sprained my ankle last week and Mr L.O. has been taking excellent care of Billy and me in addition to holding down a professional job.  It has really stretched him to the max because he has been trying to put in the hours at work, take Billy to and from pre-K and do all of the things that I would usually accomplish.
2. As you may know from a previous post, Billy has some unstructured and unsupervised time to himself each morning.
3. As I’m writing this  Mr L.O. is away on a business trip, meaning that for the first time in a few days due to my ankle sprain, I am in solo charge.  Billy can smell my relative weakness!
4. There are some leftover candies from making our Chocolatebread house at Christmas within Billy’s reach.  And let’s face it: everything is within a 5 year old’s reach!

You probably got a big clue from point 4, but here’s how I solved the case.  Billy is usually pretty great, as I alluded to at the start.  All of a sudden, from the comfort of resting in bed at the weekend I hear him being a bit of a brat.  Now, his Dad is every bit as competent (and strict) as I am so I know that it’s not his fault.  So I’m left wondering what is up with Billy?

Our first thought is maybe he’s just tired or ill.  So we have the laziest weekend possible with a young child.  Plenty of playing in the garden, healthy food, lots of stories and a strict enforcement of bedtime to ensure that Billy gets over whatever it is.  Unfortunately, there’s no improvement in his behaviour, despite an excellent sleep and no apparent illness.

Our next thought is that maybe he’s trying a new round of pushing our buttons.  So, Mr L.O. works hard on following through on consequences every time, uses some positive techniques and distracts Billy with plenty of attention.  Improvement in his behaviour only occurs with maximum effort so we’re baffled.

Fast forward to yesterday morning.  Here are the clues presented to me as I get up to make breakfast:

• Billy looks suspicious.
• Salt has been spilled on the kitchen counter near to the container which holds the candies.
• Billy says that he’s not hungry.
• The opaque candy container is looking emptier than I remember.

I challenged Billy.  He denied it at first, but then admitted that he has been helping himself to a lot of chocolate.  It’s not clear whether this morning was the first time, or whether over the weekend he had tried it out whilst his Dad was too busy to notice (he really did wait on me hand and foot, so I’m not at all surprised!)

We knew that this day was coming eventually.  Only a few weeks ago, his Dad and I were remarking about how well the Christmas chocolate was lasting!  What is remarkable to me as a first time parent (despite my teaching experience with older students) is the fast change in cognitive abilities.  Billy has only been able to lie semi-convincingly for a month or two.  All of a sudden, he is able to carry out a chocolate heist under my nose!  If the container wasn’t opaque, he may have carried on for a few more days.  Perhaps this is giving him too much credit, but he picked a time when his Dad was extremely busy and I was out of the picture / sluggishly returning to active duty.  He’s one cunning kid.

So, what did I do about it?  I used consequences.  Billy had already eaten enough candy for at least the equivalent of 2 desserts, so that was now many desserts he was going to be excluded from.  Until a few hours later, it was revealed to me by a younger friend of Billy’s that he had a stash of candy hidden in his room.  I decided that as he had not confessed to this straight away that he would now miss 3 desserts.  I have also made it clear that the number of missed desserts will accrue over time: if he does it again, next time it will be 4 straight off the bat.

Of course, I expect him to try this stuff (and indeed, I did the same to my own parents) but he needs to learn to manage his greed.  1 or 2 candies would go unnoticed, and would not have the detrimental impact on his behaviour that the large amount he had this morning so clearly did.  It’s pretty shocking to see what a massive impact on behaviour diet can have.  This morning, following a normal breakfast Billy is back to normal!

He has certainly learned an important lesson.  Parents notice everything.

A Woman Less Ordinary lives, parents, purchases and thinks differently.  With 10 years of teaching experience, she has many effective techniques for managing kids’ behaviour (and a lot to say about finance if you’re interested) BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANY OF IT!

A Woman Less Ordinary

A Woman Less Ordinary lives, parents, purchases and thinks differently. With 10 years of teaching experience, she has many effective techniques for managing kids’ behaviour (and a lot to say about finance if you’re interested) BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANY OF IT!

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