So I had a KIT day today. That’s a Keeping In Touch day for those unfamiliar with the term, or for those who thought it was maybe something to do with Kit Harington. Or KitKats. Sadly it’s neither.

I’m lucky enough to work for a company who are extremely supportive of those on parental leave, and KIT days (whilst not mandatory) are wholly encouraged. They are a good opportunity to do the odd few days here and there, and to get a feel for what’s going on so that when you do eventually return to work, you don’t feel like an H&M-clad rabbit caught in the headlights.

For me, it was mainly an opportunity to indulge in some minor smugness at how the place has (surely) crumbled to dust without me in the office every day. I expected to walk into something that resembled a scene from Mad Max, with burnt out vehicles, explosions going off, and everyone running around screaming.  Disappointingly (but also, secretly  – thank CHRIST!) the place is still standing. Rather boringly, all the stuff that I waddled away from in May is completely under control. And whilst my entire world has altered beyond all recognition since I last logged onto my laptop, everything back at the office is pretty much business as usual. Except they’ve changed the supplier of coffee in the canteen. Meh….

“Going back into work for the whole day? Oooh you must be dreading that” said someone to me recently, as though I’d just told them I’d elected to undergo root canal surgery with just a shot of rum as an anaesthetic.

Dreading it? Are you effin’ kidding me?! I was bouncing around last night like Buddy the Elf on Christmas Eve. Despite the fact that yes, it’s “just” going back to work, here’s why today was so bloody brilliant:

1.       Someone asked my opinion today. Yes, I know! Asked ME my opinion! About an actual THING! A WORK THING!!  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t anything major like which aircraft should adjust its altitude to avoid a mid-air collision (I wonder if Air Traffic Control do KIT days?!) but it was still nice to be asked my opinion about something.  Actually that’s a bit unfair. I’m asked for my opinion at home all the time. However such tenders for my wisdom tend to be along the lines of whether I think that yellowish mark on the duvet is shit or vomit, or whether it’s worth starting a new episode of Game of Thrones before the Calpol wears off.

2.       There were biscuits. But not just that – they were chocolate biscuits. And I ate one, and so did other people as we discussed what had been happening and what projects were on the horizon. And as I watched people eat biscuits I realised something truly liberating – when the crumbs fell on the floor, it wasn’t down to me to ensure those crumbs made their way to the bin! Whilst it’s true to say that none of my colleagues were exactly tidy with biscuit crumbs, it was also nice to note that nobody attempted to shove an entire biscuit into their mouth, orally maul it for so long that it resembled wallpaper paste, and then spit it back out onto the floor.

3.       I had an adult conversation. Now, you’ll note that this is distinctly different than merely “conversing with adults” as in mum-world, these two things are not the same. Clearly I speak to people at baby groups, but the conversations are all around whose baby is or isn’t sleeping/teething/crawling/rolling over and all that bollocks. It’s lovely to chat to other parents at baby groups, it really is, but I’m yet to come across a scenario where anyone sits down, wipes up a patch of baby vom from their t-shirt and opens with “A bit of sick – ha! Not as embarrassing as the latest leaked Brexit report eh?!”

On the whole I find the dads in the groups a bit more game for conversation that’s NOT about our respective semen-demons. You can throw in something general about the football transfer window, and as soon as they realise you’re not about to talk about your fanny, or show them your episiotomy scar then they’re generally willing to open up a bit….no pun intended.

4.       I earned some money. The beauty of KIT days is that you get paid for them…..hurrah!  And I can’t exactly say it was one of the most stressful days I’ve ever had in my life (see above points about chatting and eating biscuits) so I got to dip into the world of paid work without bringing any of the stressful malarkey back home with me.

5.       I appreciated my little guy all the more for being away from him. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I firmly believe this is true for me. I knew he was safe with his Aunty Danielle – the main risk was him being kissed to death – so I could forget about him (in a good way) for 7 hours and just look forward to seeing him when I got home. And as most of my meetings finished by 4:30, I made sure that I really tested out this absence/fondness theory in full, by calling at the supermarket on the way home. It was amazing to be able to browse leisurely around the fruit aisles without having to stop anyone grabbing and biting into Conference pears that I had no prior intention of buying .Oh, and also:  just a sexy, bijou little shopping trolley for me tonight – no big bulky child seat trolley on THIS shopping trip, motherfuckers!

6.       I felt a bit like the old me again. It’s true to say that I had a fair few “brain fart” moments where I completely forgot the names of projects, people and terminology that was once second nature to me. But I defy anyone to hear the Paw Patrol song every bastard morning and not find themselves a few functioning brain cells lighter than they were previously.

So there we are – work trousers are in the wash, wine is poured and I’ve got another KIT day arranged for next week. Although this time I will make sure that there are definitely KitKats.