My Milky Way

Veritylouise - 12 Aug 18

I have read lots of things lately about breast is best and I have read lots of comments about how our children all end up the same any way and I feel the point is being missed slightly. So I thought I would share my insight in the hope it helps any mum out there fighting a battle in their heads which they don’t always say out loud.

I am a mummy to two gorgeous children, lily is nearly 5 and about to start school (a whole new rollacoster of emotions for me) . When I had lily it all went abit tits up, after an emergency section, being in the SCUB unit for 5 days and trouble latching on I decided to stop trying to breastfeed. If I’m honest I was so happy with my decision, I was too traumatised by my emergency section and lily being poorly that I couldn’t cope with the stress of something that did not come natural. I did not have enough information about breast feeding and just presumed it would be a piece of cake, as a new mum just trying to survive at keeping this tiny person safe I was content with my decision.

Baby number 2 was my rainbow baby after the storm, having had multiple miscarriages and lily having to have heart surgery he was the gift we never thought we would have. Knowing this was my last baby as I wouldn’t put myself or family through the sadness again i really wanted to breastfeed. I had no pressure on myself I just wanted to see if I could, I watched my sister and some friends do it so naturally I wanted to experience that for myself.

Nathan was born in July while the proclaimers where on the radio singing “I would walk 500 miles” much to my husbands delight.

He latched on straight away, on night 2 he cluster fed all night, I didn’t know what that was and pressed the buzzer for the midwife and she explained it too me. By the end of the week I would sometimes wake up with lumps and had to feed straight away, i had a breastfeeding support peer on the end of the phone that I got from the hospital that I texted constantly, she was amazing. I googled everything there was to know about breastfeeding and felt like I was getting it and more to the point enjoying it. I still stressed about doing it in public as I just wasn’t very discreet. But in general I enjoyed it until the guilt and panic set in that I never told anyone about. I had a wedding to go and I didn’t know how it was going to go, I felt lily was playing up as I was feeding all the time and giving her the attention I felt she needed. Looking back I was emotional and exhausted and was scared people would judge me know matter what path I took. Some people told me to stop if I was sad, some told me to keep going but most being said to do what was right for you. The only problem was I had no idea what that was. Everyones opion came from a good place but that didn’t help the battle I had in my head. After 3 months I stopped, however I didn’t feel content like I did before I just felt sad, it was an awful time and the second my milk dried up I regretted it. I didn’t tell anyone that, I fake smiled and said it all worked out for the best when secretly I wished it back. My point is if you are feeling stressed or anxious about stopping feeding for no other reason because you want too or carrying on feeding but are struggling with it talk to someone, find a support group, call the midwife, your best friend, anyone. Don’t be affraid to lay all your cards on the table, resurch all the information you can and remember either way you are doing a great job.

Veritylouise

Full time mum to lily. part time massage therapist. New to blogging- really enjoying it and reading all the other great mum blogs

View profile for posts, events and more info