My pandemic pregnancy – bump on lockdown (part 2)

Louise ODonnell - 1 Apr 20

(…continued from last post)

If you and your spouse are now working from home together whilst also looking after kids, I highly recommend holding a marital discussion like it’s a work meeting and setting boundaries on etiquette, meal times, house jobs, child care, etc. It sounds anal but its worked very well. He’s even learned how to use the washing machine and I’ve enjoyed laughing at his wanky work phone voice (we all have one).

We made plans for online food shops which were already getting up to two weeks to a month in advance. We watched the news as more deaths occurred and people stood crying in supermarkets stripped bear. And then came the weekend imaged of twats everywhere crowding London markets, tubes and country parks and beauty spots. I knew that we were getting a bollocking the next day of Bozza. On he came, no press conference this time, no time for discussion. Just a 5 minute statement of ‘you fucked it guys, and now you’re grounded’. This time I didn’t feel like crying, because you can only be shocked over something once. Instead I called mum, and said ‘what now?’. We are living in history being made and its blowing my tiny mind. All our systems, structures and comfort blankets that we cling on to, gone. Every normal thing in our lives, taken away. That’s big, and we wont come out the other side of this the same. I just hope we learn from it.

As I write this, the maximum time we have left for baby to stay in my tum is 5 weeks. Mum is two hours away and we are living on lockdown until further notice from Boris. Instead of a toddler going into extra nursery hours and having grandparents over in between to help, we now have no help and care for her 24/7, at a time where I am at my most vulnerable and getting more immobile and emotional by the day. This really wasn’t the plan. We are just hoping that mum can travel over solo when d-day arrives, on the basis that she is not symptomatic and is coming to help care for someone who is vulnerable. But right now, our life if the house and the back garden.

A few nights ago, I clapped for the NHS on my doorstep. Today, my brother in law brought us a food shop and waved at us through the window. I have no idea how the arrival of my baby or the newborn days will look in all of this, but I am allowing myself to be a bit pissed off that yet again, I can’t seem to be handed a normal deal of just being pregnant and having  a baby without some sort of traumatic disaster taking place. I am allowing myself to be quiet on social media and whatsapp groups, because the chat around this at the moment can be deafening. I can’t see another Instagram Live talking about positivity, another post from supermum’s day of homeschooling, or a gratitude lists about being able to now practice yoga and read more. The world is so quiet and so fucking noisy at the same time. Instagram is full of it, those who are crumbling, those who are seemingly thriving, and those who have decided they are experts. Any conversation with friends or family is about it, because what the fuck else do we talk about? I cant even find sweet release in the trash of the Daily Mail showbiz news, because that just tells me that Tom Hanks and Idris Elba are going to die. There is no space in the world where it hasn’t seeped into. So I need to find my own space. My own peace in it all. A new normal. I need to cling on to the hope of this new baby, and the hope that we get through to the other side sane. What a time to be alive eh?

Sending everyone so much love and strength. Remember we are alone together. One day we will look back at this and won’t believe it was real.

Love Lou, Eva and bump xxx

Louise ODonnell

Hi I'm Louise! Check out my blog posts and my Insta @loss_motherhood_etc for more musings on life after baby loss, maternal mental health and prematurity. I love to post about honest motherhood having gone through the toughest intro to it imaginable in the hope I can help others realise it wasnt just them when the fairytale went tits up! Thank you for joining me and for reading!

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