No More Kids: Why isn’t one child enough?

Kirsty Bowen - 11 Nov 18

A mountain of baby clothes have sprung up on the floor of our spare room and I’m trying to ignore it.

Our son is now one year old and the amount of outfits he has outgrown could fill a whole Mothercare store. He’s worn some trousers for less time than you can say “whoops! the nappy’s leaked”. Now we have a dumping ground of sleepsuits, vests and unused baby products.

Confronting the pile of clothes also means answering the question: do we keep any of this stuff for the future? Are we going to do this all over again and have another baby?

As soon as you’ve pushed or had a baby pulled screaming out of your body, friends, family and even bus passengers will start asking if you’re going to have more children.

You’ve not even finished waddling out of the hospital before they’re telling you not to leave too big an age gap. Or that an only child is a recipe for a spoiled monster. Every man and his dog has an opinion.

Why isn’t one good enough? The benefits are enormous.

One child is easier to hold onto with your spare hand. There’s no need to buy a bigger car to fit in many car seats and buggies. More kids means even bigger childcare costs which are already crazy high. Plus you’re never going to get tag-teamed by a gang of siblings.

Having one child means that our son has the sole attention from us – for better or for worse. Without the added costs of more children, he can enjoy more expensive holidays or opportunities that we couldn’t afford otherwise.

As one of three kids myself, I know the positives of having brothers and sisters. There are two years between me and my brother and our childhood was happy, even though we fought as much as we played together.

My sister came along almost nine years after my brother and the dynamic between us was different. As I was on the cusp of being a teenager, she cramped my style and stole the attention I craved. Now as adults, we get on great and she is the best aunt to my son.

When Christmas time comes along, a big family is great. The shared joy of siblings opening presents is a sight to behold and you always have someone to play Monopoly with.

Many people have told me that having one child will be hard for my son when me and my husband are elderly. As we grow old, having more than one child means the burden of responsibility for his ageing parents is shared.

But is this a good reason to have more children? Isn’t a bit selfish to think about when we are older and how our brood of children can look after us. Surely it’s better to start planning our future now and saving so that our care can be afforded without placing the worry on our grown-up child?

Bringing things back to the hear and now, I see other mothers walking baby in a pram and a toddler in tow and try not to wince. The thought of trying to find the patience to deal with a rambunctious two year old at the same time as dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions a newborn baby brings is terrifying.

My son’s birth didn’t quite got to plan. After keeping it together through an emergency caesarean, antibiotics for me and baby, and the stress of getting baby to start feeding, both myself and my partner were shell-shocked.

Through incredible support from breastfeeding support workers, our health visitor and family, things improved but there were definite points in the early days where I suffered with anxiety and low mood.

I went back to work just under a year after giving birth, but I was still breastfeeding and dealing with my son waking frequently through the night.

A few months later and I was diagnosed with exhaustion by my GP and signed off work. After a couple of weeks of rest, I was feeling much better.

Whether this was post-natal depression I am not sure, but the first twelve months of looking after my son were the toughest in my life.

But as I look through the thousands of photos I’ve taken this year and remember holding a tiny baby in my arms with his wrinkly forehead and pink skin, I can’t help but feel broody.

Babies are wonderful and my son has brought so much joy and happiness into our lives. I love to imagine all the things we can show him and the places he has yet to discover.

Double might mean more trouble, but could it mean more happiness?

The baby clothes are going in the attic for now.

Photo credit: Andres Palacios / EyeEm

Kirsty Bowen

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