Question Time

Louise McCourt - 7 Sep 16

When my dad retired, he got asked the same question over and over again, ‘So what are going to do with your time?’ In the end he got so fed up, he told people that he planned to play a lot of golf. (My dad never really got the hang of golf). But this got me thinking. Can you ever escape the next question?

For me, let’s start when I was nineteen. I was seeing a guy from college. One of the first things he wanted to know was the last time I’d had a boyfriend. When I told him about six months ago, he said ‘Six months, how come you haven’t had a boyfriend for that long?’ I think you’d agree that six months without a boyfriend (especially at that age) isn’t very long. The stupidity of his question stuck in my mind and it’s safe to say as far as ‘we’ were concerned the writing was on the wall.

A few years later, I was asked why none of my relationships had ever lasted more than two years. To be more precise they seemed to have a two year cut off, and I had started to wonder the same thing myself. Still nothing like having it thrown in your face. I’m not sure what answer I was expected to come up with – clearly not being an expert on lasting relationships.

Finally I made it past the two year hurdle and eventually settled down. You’ve guessed the next question, but then I found out we were going to become three, so that put a stop to the wedding quiz. Mid pregnancy my boyfriend proposed. Goodbye to ‘that question’ and the next, seeing as the baby was already on the way. Efficient!

So there I was, husband/baby ‘tick’. That kept the questions at bay for about a year. Then came, ‘So when are you going to have another one?’ I remember my older brother saying ‘Don’t leave it too late to start trying for number two. Best to get it out of the way.’ But with my figure still unrecognisable and a full nights sleep barely a memory, it wasn’t high up on my ‘To Do List’.

Eventually though I came around to the idea. But life doesn’t always go the way you want. My little man wasn’t to be for five years, and I was at the point where I didn’t think it would happen at all. But when it did, the question changed to, ‘Why have you got such a big age gap?’ I could have said that there were two little angels that weren’t meant to be, but to the majority I kept it simple saying ‘It just worked out that way’.

I sailed through the ‘When are you going back to work?’ question the first time by going back at nine months. With my second child, I’ve taken a different path by going to University. However I’m sure when my Creative Writing degree is over there will be ‘So what are you going to do now?’ (accompanied by a speech bubble of ‘with a degree that will probably never earn you a penny.’). Maybe I’ll say I’m working on a piece about people who can’t think of an original question to ask someone else..

Now to a question comeback (maybe one you can use in the future!). My then boyfriend and I went to stay with one of his old school friends. His girlfriend cooked us dinner, and as we sat around the table our friend said, ‘So when are you two going to get married then?’ I smiled and said, ‘So when are you two going to move in together?’. The look on his face. And whilst I didn’t want to make him feel bad (he was our best man only a few years later after all), I thought maybe he would do well to understand what an awkward question felt like. So if you can, answer a question with a question!

I now have a confession to make – I am as guilty as the rest. Let me tell you why..

I was at my brother’s 40th some years ago with my boyfriend (living together but before marriage and kids, so you know what question I was on). I bumped into an old friend with his wife who I’d never met. After saying hello, I asked a question that I have never uttered in my life. ‘So, do you have any children?’ Their smiles were fixed as they both replied ‘No’. I stood there, matching smile, but I swear if there had been a rock nearby big enough for me and my mouth, I would have crawled right under it. Although in my defence it’s been nearly ten years and I still look back on that moment and think ‘Why, why did I say that?!’

We all have to live with the next question, and I’m sure have asked at least some of these ourselves. I know that most of the time it’s a conversation starter, not a dig, about where you are in your life. But maybe we just need to remember this; think twice about how you word the ‘next question’ – it’s very likely not their first time.

Louise McCourt

Mummy of two and freelance writer. My words have made people laugh, cry and be inspired - it doesn't get much better than that.

View profile for posts, events and more info