So, when are you having kids?

Mumma_dont_sugarcoat - 10 Jul 18

It’s such a loaded question. Such a personal thing to ask, yet it’s a question that gets asked of a woman so many times. Just got married/engaged/moved in together? Kids next, eh? Hit 30? Best start soon, you’re not getting any younger. Just popped one out? Better get working on a sibling, you don’t want them growing up lonely.

In an era when the average age of a first time mum is nearing 30 we’re led to believe that it’s a conscious decision to have children later, once careers have been established, feet are on the property ladder, and (maybe) he’s put a ring on it. However, in a world where 1 in 6 of us will encounter fertility problems, is it just a case that we’re trying but not getting anywhere fast?

I know my personal choice was to wait until I was married. Mr and I had been together 5 years, we’d bought a house, had the big white wedding, and started trying almost straight away. And tried, and tried, and tried. Each month there was heartbreak, and anger, and frustration, and disappointment, and each month we pulled ourselves back up, willing it to work the next.

18 months later I was diagnosed with PCOS. Looking back, the signs were all there, but as common as it is I had never heard of it. At the time I didn’t realise the magnitude of the situation, nor the lengths we would have to go to to have children, or imagine the number of people I knew that were going through the same struggles.

Unless we talk about it, no-one knows what personal struggles we’re going through. Whether it be mental health, body image, self-esteem or health related, culturally we put up and shut up, which is often more damaging than the issue itself. That said, no-one should be put on the spot with such personal and unsolicited questions, irrespective of anyone’s intentions. When did it become acceptable to be so intrusive?

I personally have avoided situations that I know will lead to such questions (and have been known to tell someone to mind their own business, which didn’t go down too well), but when you’re already sensitive to something so personal the last thing you want is to drag it all up.

Whilst it’s good to talk, and by God we should be doing more of it, how about we make ourselves available rather than unapproachable?

Mumma_dont_sugarcoat

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