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Terrible twos – communication stalemate
Out of nowhere! My daughter is 21 months old and I think the old cliche has kicked in (literally) a little prematurely.
An example:
No, don’t throw the TV remote/teapot /book….
You mustn’t do that it’s dangerous and could hurt someone or break something…
Scratches leather chair.
Flails arms in my direction until she connects. This time with my boob. Looks at me with a defiant and angry stare.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
My happy, smiley and sweet mannered baby is now a little girl
of attitude, with a capital A.
The day unfolds on repeat with variations on the theme.
If she doesn’t fancy the nappy change post poo or isn’t of mind to put her shoes on before a walk.
Yesterday, she smacked my mum who attempted to stop her deleting a photo from her iPhone as the two of them had been scrolling through photos of her as a young baby.
It’s evoked strong emotions in me, brought me to tears and left me on one occasion so bubbling inside with anger, that I had to move my daughter to her cot for two minutes for time to
Looking at the response in me, my tears were those of frustration.
I’d lost count of the times I’d reinforced the message and was struggling with how to pitch it and at what volume to one so young.
Don’t hit, scratch or kick.
Don’t throw anything… (Except a ball – that’s OK.)
Ah! Therein lies the problem.
Throwing, kicking and hitting a ball is OK. Throwing, kicking or hitting anything else is not ok.
Talk about giving mixed messages.
Before I was lucky enough to become a mummy, before IVF was on my horizon,
But now I was expecting my toddler with limited language skills to accept and grasp the nuances with a smile on her face.
Communication was my area of expertise and yet now I was struggling to communicate effectively with my daughter – she was ignoring me and flouting my requests.
Throwing is her recently acquired skill which she was keen to develop and demonstrate with anything at hand.
There’s just no reasoning with her when for now at least, her throwing skills outweigh her vocabulary and language skills.
I
I know she understood that I didn’t want her to hit me and deliberately scratch furniture and yet this one particular afternoon she was doing it on repeat.
Why was she blatantly ignoring my demands? Her rebellion was like a slap in the face – and funnily enough it included one!
I guess the combination of her having her new throwing skill curtailed by me and her quest for asserting her autonomy and independence was an explosive mix.
Her personality is
I understand my daughter’s frustration but until I can reason with her and help her channel both it and any innate aggression, I’m finding it tough going.
I do hope the so called Terrible Two’s is just a phase, because I’ve already had one huge power struggle with my daughter and fear our mutual stubborn natures could make for even more as
I took her to Tumbletots some months ago. She cried throughout the entire lesson because she was out of her comfort zone and (like her mummy and daddy) she likes to feel in control.
Nevertheless I guided her around the climbing apparatus for 45 minutes – watching the other tots loving it and demonstrating their new found physical prowess. I could see that she’d benefit from gaining such confidence. So I took her week after week.
She cried none stop through at least five weeks of lessons – snot streaming down her face – I went
As the weeks went on, the cry was more a loud whinge to try and break my resolve and I could see she was actually enjoying the climbing, sliding and tunnel crawling.
By week six, she climbed happily and momentously without tears.
Inside I both rejoiced that she’d benefit long term and did an internal victory dance at winning the battle of wills.
Now she loves it and her confidence has come on leaps and bounds.
I successfully
If, like Tumbletots we come out the other side with new found skills then they can’t be that bad, can they?!
