5 Mothering Myths

Anniki Sommerville - 18 May 17

Did you have a certain ideal in your mind when you thought about becoming a Mum? Was it shaped by the images of Mums you see in advertising- the ones that smile when their baby does a poo and stare adoringly at their kids even when they tramp muddy footprints through the house? Well I was like that. I basically thought Motherhood was all about sitting in a chair staring at a baby and putting my feet up and people admiring my offspring and saying nice things about me. I thought it was about constant praise.

So I thought it was worth putting a few MYTHS to bed once and for all (I’m sure you can add plenty of your own)

Now my life will be ‘complete’

This is something that many Mums in magazines tend to say (especially if they’re actresses from Hollywood). They’ll say their life was empty before , that they were pointless, silly, ninky-nonks and spent their days supping cocktails and maxing out credit cards. And yes maybe some of that is true. Your priorities DO shift post-kids but it’s dangerous to peddle the idea that being a Mum is the FINAL END GAME for every woman who walks the Earth. What if  you feel the same lack of purpose after parenthood but now you’ve got tiny eyes and a sore back? Many Mums are made to feel that they should be happier. Or more grateful. Or understand the meaning of life.

I won’t repeat my Mum’s mistakes

No Mum is perfect (apart from the Virgin Mary of course) and so it’s only normal that you’ll have days when you look around and think YES I HAVE GOT THIS and then there will be days when your jaw is clenched super tight and it’s taking every bit of self-restraint possible to stop yourself from boxing your child’s ears. My Mum was a good Mum but she also made a couple of mistakes. I am now discovering that I have the same mix of genes (surprise surprise!) and under the right circumstances am making the same mistakes and also throwing some of my own new stupid inventions into the mix.

I will be an Earth Mother and grow my hair down to my ankles

It’s weird, I felt like an Earth mother for about ten minutes after I gave birth but then my epidural wore off and I realised I was in pain, stuffed full of cotton wool and needed the best, most powerful medicine the doctor deemed to allow me. I tried to breast feed but my stupid, fat, useless breasts just lay there and wouldn’t play ball. So I kind of managed to be an Earth Mother for about 8 weeks and then I was the Modern Formula Mother who Relies on Paracetamol and Kalm Tablets to get through the day. My hair suits me shorter and I look terrible in maxi dresses… so it’s not all bad.

Being a Mum will be the BEST thing/the WORST thing

It just is. I like that famous Dickens quote – ‘it was the best and worst of times,’ because that is probably right. Except sometimes it is just the worst.

There will always be a ‘correct answer’ 

You need to make sure the base line requirements are all sorted and provide plenty of LOVE but if you want to know why they sleep through the night and then suddenly start waking up every two hours, don’t expect an answer. On some forums people will pretend that there are ANSWERS but there aren’t. If one more person asks me to put my daughter to bed later so she’ll wake up later, I will set fire to my own head. There is no answer. It is quite nice once you realise this (and saves you loads of money on gadgets/wasted time on forums/parenting books etc.)

(and okay an additional one which have to mention which actually makes this number 6)…I won’t shout

I don’t judge people but I am always slightly suspicious of people who never shout. Where does that negative energy go? Yesterday my daughter did an excellent impression of me shouting and throwing a piece of burnt toast across the kitchen. It made me laugh a lot. It was exactly what my own Mother would have done. And eventually this trait will be passed on to my daughter. I like the idea of this familial symmetry. It’s quite soothing.

So there you are… Mothering Myths.

Oh and you know when you say you’ll never ‘spit on a tissue and wipe their face,’?  Well you will.

And you’ll eat food off the floor too.

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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