The best and worst of being a stay at home parent. Do it but do it knowingly.

Alexandra Rickerby - 6 Mar 18

Before I made the decision to be a stay at home parent I had NO IDEA what to expect…it just felt right. Well, just over two years I can honestly say it has brought out the best and the worst in me. For anyone thinking about making this choice here are the best bits and the worst bits from my two years experience living in London with a new baby and toddler 24/7 365 days a year. I hope this post, at the very least, prepares you and hopefully, at the very most, inspires you.

I say do it, if you can, but do it knowingly.

The worst:

1. Being the only person on the street who is in their house every day so I am on first name terms with the postman and every delivery driver within a mile. I have held more mail at my house than should be legally allowed. You know its gone too far when your 2-year-old and the delivery drivers wave at each other at weekends.

2. Only ever wearing trainers means that my days of wearing heels are gone. Not because I don’t love them or occasionally do some days at work but because my shins and my knees no longer tolerate anything other than supportive comfortable shoes. Genuinely it is depressing.

3. Having to think about the creation of every single meal to be able to keep three human beings alive. That’s over 1000 meals a year. I mean…WTF. This is why bits on a plate is the champion of all meals. Nothing beats cheese, pitta, houmous, fruit and pickled onion monster munch for a tasty meal. And of course, crumpets cover all 5 food groups, don’t they?

4. Dealing with all of a little humans moods. The good, the bad and the ugly. No one else gets hit, bitten or laughed at more than a stay at home parent and unless you are one you’ll never understand what that is like.

5. No breaks…ever. I mean, sure, now that he is two I can occasionally wee on my own..really occasionally. And thank the lord for story tape CDs and Tangled on DVD…there is at least a thirty-minute break right there otherwise its go go go 365 days a year. Paid work is hard too but there are coffee machines to pop to and corridors to hide in and that makes it easier in my book.

6. The absence of other humans being around during the day to hang out with. Luckily I have two awesome mum friends I’ve spent lots of time within the last year but when they are on holiday or are sick suddenly the weeks become MUCH longer and being at home can become both lonely and incredibly boring.

7. If snacking was an Olympic sport stay at home parents would get gold every time. We are the kings and queens of occasional snacking through the day. Hello constant weight gain.

8. Little time for yourself. My parent friends who have returned to work manage to get to the gym, get frequent haircuts and see friends for drinks much more than sahp seem to. This is one of the hardest parts to get used to.

9. I don’t have memories. I have photos thankfully but because SAHP are always on parenting we are constantly thinking about what’s next. There is no time to stop, breathe and look at the now and take it all in.  My husband has many more memories of Freddie’s life than I do which seems cruel given he is with him just 20% of the time I am.

The best:

1. Waking up every morning to a beaming inquisitive sleepy little boy and not having to rush to be anywhere. Complete bliss.

2. Living a life where the only pressure is how are we going to get through the dead zone. The dead zone for us is 3-5pm every day. Every parent has one and our time when we are both tired and a little bit done with the day is in the afternoon. Hardly any pressure at all really.

3. Getting to witness all the firsts. The first walk..laugh…new word… epiphany moment…enough said.

4. Getting to wear jeans and jumpers all day every day and wearing the same clothes day after day. No one cares. I don’t have to think about what to wear for any reason other than the weather.

5. Long walks going nowhere. As much as the myriad of planned fun is part of toddler life..baby groups and activities etc we love nothing more than just going for a walk and seeing where it takes us. Walking with a toddler who finds every little thing funny or fascinating opens up my eyes to how bloody amazing the world is. What a gift.

6. Building a relationship with our children that we hope will outlast any troubles or trials that come our way. Someone once said to me that the greatest gift you can give your child is time. I hope that by being a SAHP it makes us a stronger and more loving family. Ask me in 18 years time and I’ll tell you if I was wildly wrong or right.

7. Open love that is priceless and only last a few years. Recently my husband broke the news to me that we have only got 2.5 years left. 2.5 years of a boy who isn’t at school, would rather be with his friends, who has no fear over how he feels or expressing love, no fear at all, just wonder. Five years as a SAHP is nothing. No time at all in our parenting lives. All those moments of love, cuddles and kisses from a boy who will only get further away from us makes every tough bit worth it.

If you enjoyed reading this article please share it and like my flapsandbaps facebook page at facebook.com/flapsandbaps and follow us on @flapsandbaps. THANKS!

Alexandra Rickerby

View profile for posts, events and more info