The Best Part

Katie Draisey - 10 May 18

So I had a conversation with a friend a while ago that has really got me thinking.

This friend is male and younger than me. We were talking about why we wouldn’t really have worked as more than friends because I’m done making babies and he admitted he wants kids one day. I was saying how I come with the kids/family ready made and he made a casual comment of “yeah, I’ve missed the best part”. He knows my kids, he thinks they’re fab (I think!) and gets on with them so I don’t take offence at all. But it got me thinking, is there really a ‘best part’?

I understand what he means. For someone who wants kids, he wants to see the pregnancy, the baby phase, learning to walk, talk etc. But for me, each stage has got better and better, so I feel I’m currently experiencing the ‘best part’. In fact, I think/look back at photos of when my boys were younger, and most of the time it sets my anxiety off big time because it takes me back to how bad I felt at the time. I literally want to cry but not in a nostalgic ‘awww I miss those days’ way. It’s in an ‘I can’t do it again’ mixed with a bit of ‘I wish I could have enjoyed it more’ kind of way.

I’m not even looking for a relationship at the moment (I’m still working on my relationship with myself and the kids) but when I do, whoever I meet is going to have missed those early years, that’s just a fact we can’t avoid. But I think there’s a different ‘best part’. The part where my boys get to form their own bond with a person I care about, have someone else to look up to and learn from and respect. And that’s the ‘best part’ this friend gets too, whether he realises it or not. The boys look up to him, on the occasions they see him they’re so excited and they mention him often. The boys have seen something good in him and chosen to form a bond with him. That says something.

This thinking goes for my other friends too. I have my amazing NCT friends and other friends who’ve known my boys their whole lives and it’s been lovely watching the bonds grow between them. However, I also have amazing friends who I’ve only met over the last couple of years and it’s wonderful watching the bonds form with them too. Yeah they missed the early days, but in a way that makes the bond even more special because the boys are choosing to form it. One of my best friends has a daughter who’s 11. She’s such a wonderful girl. I’ve only known her a couple of years but it feels like longer and we get on so well. Part of me thinks what a shame it is that I didn’t see more of her growing up. But then I realise if I had known her longer, maybe our relationship would be different. Meeting her when I did, that for us IS the ‘best part’.

I may not be able to offer a man the full works in terms of pregnancy and babies, but I can sure as hell offer him the love and respect of a pair of awesome little dudes if he wants it and we decide he’s the man who deserves it.

People come into our lives at different times. We could think of having missed the ‘best part’ or we could think that we’ve come into their lives at just the right time, for whatever reason that may be.

Maybe the best really is yet to come?

xx

Katie Draisey

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