The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Conundrum

Jennifer Landis - 8 May 18

To feed or not to feed your child a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in public? Is it better to cast aside the PB&J, or suffer the unnecessary ridicule of the naysayers of nuts?

Nut lovers, you’re not off the hook, either. You’re just as guilty of running your mouth and lecturing others about your hot button issues, too.

Add your child into the mix with safety concerns, and you better believe you’d step into a Sumo wrestling suit to battle it out. Enter the peanut butter and jelly sandwich conundrum — a classic and twisted tale of parental guilt-shaming.

The PB&J  Conundrum

One mom recently let her four-year-old daughter eat a PB&J sandwich in a Target shopping cart and boy did she endure holier-than-thou mom-policing from another mama. The other mom used her superior peanut butter sniffing powers to snuff out the offending source. The concern centered around the likely smearing of peanut butter all over the shopping cart’s handle where an allergic child might sit and suffer adverse reactions or worse.

The mom then turned to other moms in an online forum for support at UrbanBaby, as busy moms do, when she got a collective earful from both sides of the PB&J sandwich conundrum. One mom thought it was gross that this mom let her kid eat in a shopping cart in public, while another mom called it multitasking. Yikes! Finally, one mom spoke up to say her child had nine anaphylactic allergies, and she commented, “No one should have to watch what they eat because of my kids’ allergies.”

Others diverged from the topic and brought up other allergic triggers, such as people wearing clothes covered in dog and cat hair while they shopped. Exposure to triggers threatens real lives, and no one wants to live in a bubble. Balance is essential to life.

Everybody Has a Bubble to Burst

Hang on, folks. Those “nutty” naysayers are fiercely concerned about real food allergies that threaten real munchkin lives, but there’s a thin line as an allergy parent between keeping your kid safe and stashing them away in a bubble forever. Every day these parents worry:

• Will someone take a PB&J sandwich to school and my kid accidentally gets exposed?
• Is today the day my kid touches peanut butter and forgets about washing before eating?
• Is today the day I might lose my kid?

That might look dramatic from the outside, but it’s no joke for these parents. Staying “realistic” and following that innate instinct to protect your child is a moment by moment battle every parent faces and can relate to — but it’s worse for parents where risk could strike at any time.

Of course, that depends on the severity of the allergy. A parent’s response depends on their specific comfort level and what their attitude toward handling food allergies is.

Many kids on restricted diets rely on valuable sources of nutrients found in nuts to maintain all-around bodily functions. Peanuts contain a high degree of copper, phosphorous, manganese and B vitamins, such as riboflavin, folate, thiamin and pantothenic acid. Peanuts also contain some antioxidants important to reducing chronic disease risk.

What is the proper etiquette? The debate on nut-free spaces brings up fierce emotions on both sides, but empathy, compassion and living outside the bubble are important considerations necessary to put aside the mom-shaming while keeping kids and personal freedom safe. Everybody has a bubble to burst.

A Middle Ground Is Necessary and Safer

Even schools vary on their nut policies, and schools that enforce a nut-free campus aren’t safe. One study of 1,960 Massachusetts schools found higher use rates of epinephrine in nut-free policy schools than in those lacking such policies, but rates lowered in schools that had nut-free tables in their cafeterias. Finding a middle ground reflects higher chances of safety and comfort for all per the study.

Classrooms can vote to have a nut-free space in support of a classmate with an allergy, but let it be egalitarian and reasonable. Allergy parents must bring at least two epinephrine pens for school and other outings, and establishing emergency plans is vital.

There’s only so much you can prepare for, and education and open communication are necessary for conundrums such as this. Whether you like it or not, it does take a village to raise a kid, but at the end of the day, your kid is still your kid — and you’d lay down your life for that little one if you could.

What is fair when it comes to food allergy etiquette? First, mom-shaming doesn’t help anyone. While life is no party, at such gatherings hosts generally ask about food allergies, and guests don’t expect over-the-top accommodations. They pitch in and offer relevant educational tips.

Live Your Life

Regardless, everyone should feel welcome and able to live their lives. Challenge yourself to step out of your bubble. For goodness sake, some people are even allergic to lettuce — so, lettuce come together.

The PB&J sandwich conundrum is one of those hot button issues all parents feel the need to battle it out over — when it’s easier to offer a hand rather than unnecessary criticisms.

Image Source: tunnelarmr via Flickr

Jennifer Landis

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