The Power to Change

Becky Winton - 28 Feb 18

One of the most powerful things about the birth of a child is the potential to change, and in their own way every birth changes the world. Having my babies – two which are already here, one on the way – certainly changed me and in many ways I could not be more different to the pre-child me of 2011. But I recently got to thinking about how my children have changed each other in their short lives so far…

My firstborn is smart – he does well academically but more than that, he has a sharp wit and an exceptional turn of phrase, since learning to talk he has always been willing and able to hold a great conversation, often getting frustrated with his peers many of whom struggled to keep up, He has always been a perfectionist; he didn’t attempt his first steps until he knew that he could make his way across the room without falling. In the same way he never tried to say a new word until he knew that he’d get it just right. He was – and to some extent still is – our smart, sensitive boy.

Boy number two, though – what a different prospect! This little fella would do anything to make us laugh – often at the expense of his own personal safety. He is loud, messy, boisterous, confident and utterly loveable. He is far more affectionate and tactile than his big brother; conversely he has far more emotional outbursts when things don’t go his way.

As the birth of number three looms ever closer, my husband and I have speculated regularly about how our family dynamic will change: before Boy Two arrived our unit seemed perfect and we couldn’t imagine how it could be made better (I in fact vividly remember a particularly rough night in the very early days after his arrival when, pacing the room with a wailing baby at 4am, I sobbed “you’ve ruined everything”; I was of course immediately wracked with guilt as clearly I already loved the bones of him, I was just hadn’t slept for about 72 hours and could barely stand or function I was so exhausted). Inevitably, though, our family was improved a hundredfold by our little ball of energy. I’m confident that the arrival of their little sister will have an equally profound and positive impact on our family although, once again, I’m mystified as to how it can get any better than this.

One of the most incredible things that our second child brought us was seeing our eldest as a brother – the kindest and most thoughtful brother, who regularly demonstrates more patience than either of his parents and has an inherent understanding of how his little buddy works. How could we ever have missed out on that?! The experience of becoming a big brother has clearly had a fundamental effect on him and his perception of the world, but in a more simple way it has changed his character too. Hanging out with this crazy little person has freed him, and given him an excuse to be silly. Proper, childhood, laughing at farts, pulling faces, nonsense-talking silly. It has given him a safe place, a devoted audience, where he can try out this side of his personality without the fear of embarrassment or failure which always seemed to stop him before…

And then there’s the little guy. His big brother is, at the moment, his world. Every school drop-off breaks his little heart, and pick-up time is the most joyful part of every day. His caring and generous spirit is surely a product – in part, at least – of the kind way in which his older brother treats him. And so many of the same interests are playing out again – Fireman Sam, trucks, cars – some days it’s like travelling back three years in time.

We are all a product of the people we meet and the relationships that we form, but surely siblings are the ultimate example of this, there from the beginning, for every formative moment. I am now just so excited to see how number three changes us all…

Becky Winton

A mum of 2 brilliant boys, originally from Wales and now living in Wellington, New Zealand. An ex-accountant now working in in-home preschool childcare!

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