close
SM-Stamp-Join-1

  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

The Sweep, a poem

1
The Sweep
An antenatal sweep they said,
I sweat in the waiting room,
My mind filled with images,
I’m picturing a broom.
I’m only overdue a bit,
Not sure what’s all the fuss,
They want to speed things up,
Well, really, if they must.
The midwife, bright and breezy,
Calls me to a room,
Tells me to drop my pants,
Says it will be over soon.
My legs are stretched apart,
Concerned of the state ’down there’,
I would have tried to shave,
If only I could see downstairs.
She snaps on some rubber gloves,
Far too enthusiastic for me,
Sticks
SelfishMother.com
2
her hand right up there,
Reminding me to breathe.
’Breathe’ she says?
That’s easier said than done,
I feel like some poor heifer,
With a vet’s arm up her bum.
It won’t hurt a bit?
I’m really not so sure,
She’s prodding around like crazy,
I’m eyeing up the door.
’It’s over love,’ she says,
I can’t help but blush,
That’s more action than I’ve had in weeks,
I really feel quite flushed.
’Should get things moving,’
Well that’s one thing that’s true,
Oh no, not the baby,
Now I just need a poo!
SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.

We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

The Sweep, a poem

- 6 Oct 18

The Sweep
An antenatal sweep they said,
I sweat in the waiting room,
My mind filled with images,
I’m picturing a broom.
I’m only overdue a bit,
Not sure what’s all the fuss,
They want to speed things up,
Well, really, if they must.
The midwife, bright and breezy,
Calls me to a room,
Tells me to drop my pants,
Says it will be over soon.
My legs are stretched apart,
Concerned of the state ‘down there’,
I would have tried to shave,
If only I could see downstairs.
She snaps on some rubber gloves,
Far too enthusiastic for me,
Sticks her hand right up there,
Reminding me to breathe.
‘Breathe’ she says?
That’s easier said than done,
I feel like some poor heifer,
With a vet’s arm up her bum.
It won’t hurt a bit?
I’m really not so sure,
She’s prodding around like crazy,
I’m eyeing up the door.
‘It’s over love,’ she says,
I can’t help but blush,
That’s more action than I’ve had in weeks,
I really feel quite flushed.
‘Should get things moving,’
Well that’s one thing that’s true,
Oh no, not the baby,
Now I just need a poo!

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!

Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Primarily a Mum, aspiring Author, Freelance Writer and Artist, Blogger, Foodie and Jewellery Designer just having fun doing all the things I love! My portfolio available to view over on my website www.saspsdesigns.com

View profile for posts, events and more info
join Selfish Mother

Selfish Mother blogzine is a platform for likeminded women created by journalist Molly Gunn in 2013. We have a clothing store called Selfish Mother Shop, which is where we sell our iconic tees and sweatshirts, eg MOTHER and WINGING IT 🙂 We’re inclusive, not exclusive and we’d love you to get involved. Writing for Selfish Mother is free and easy… it takes 1 minute to join! You’ll be able to share posts and events immediately… we can’t wait to hear what you have to say. 

Join Our Club

Post Tags





































































































Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media

Now Read This