Time To Own Our Decisions

Laurie - 15 Jun 20

Some time ago a writer I follow on instagram posted about doing some work – even though, as she said herself, her baby was just a few weeks old and she felt it a tad early to be dipping a toe back into work stuff. She said she felt passionately about new mothers who work for themselves and don’t get a chance to take a proper break after giving birth. She mainatined that as a freelancer she needed to keep up her income stream and profile in a fast-moving industry which would easily forget about her and leave her career in the dust. Just the week before I had seen a headline attributed to an actress and businesswoman about how she didn’t have the ‘luxury of maternity leave’. This attitude bothers me for several reasons. First and foremost, how far have we come in 2020 if we still feel maternity leave is a luxury? The idea that as well as springing back into your pre-baby bod you must also be available for a Zoom call post-birth is ridiculous and is a narrative that needs to be stopped in it’s tracks.

There are a few elements at play.

I do not underestimate anybody’s requirement to keep up an income flow, particularly when their family is expanding. But optics are important and it can only be disheartening to most women who manage to take leave after giving birth to see people in the public eye with seemingly significantly more glamorous lives – as per their social media feeds – saying they cannot afford such a break. It has the potential to make every woman on maternity leave feel like a good-for-nothing sloth as they make the inevitable tearful comparisons while eating biscuits and flicking through Facebook.

There’s another layer. Beyond the optics.

How many of us really can’t just take a break? I mean, truly? Are we that invested in our career? Is life that fast now? Women have always had to fight for recognition in the work place, but do we honestly belive that time out with a new born baby will undermine or obliterate our reputation, just like that? Are we that eager to show we are qualified and capable and worthy that we scupper our own physical and family’s wellbeing to be seen to be back in the saddle asap?

Women in the public eye, because of their visibility, put down an important marker. And this marker impacts how women think and feel they should act. That is not to say that I expect every woman in the public eye to live their lives under the burdensome title of ‘role model’. However, maybe we could swap this very broken record for a new one? The record – which I know would go platinum – of owning your decisions?

Rather than saying you can’t afford to risk work relationships, say you love your job and would go crazy at the thought of not writing professionally for a few months. Rather than saying you can’t afford the luxury of maternity leave, go a step further and say that your identity as a person is such that you couldn’t imagine taking a break from your business and you absolutely love the kids spending time with their Dad / minder etc. Stay at home parents are killed from being told they are ‘lucky’ – well Dermot, make a few different life choices and you too can get ‘lucky’. But if you’re working away because you like to go on holiday or you need to cover the rent or you just enjoy your job, then just own it.

If everyone started to own their decisions, what would our world start to look like? How brilliant would it be if we just came out and said; ‘My job is my identity and I love it’ or ‘I hate being at home and my partner is better with the kids’…  How liberating would it be? How empowering? That’s the kind of narrative I want to hear – not the one that starts with ‘I just couldn’t afford to take any time off in between launching my business, birthing a baby and holidaying in Mauritius.’ YAWN.

Laurie

Living - and blogging - slowly in the Burren, Ireland... woman, at-home-mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, marketeer, daydreamer... Me.

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