Tinder Mother

claire davies - 26 Mar 17

I recently discovered the fun of Tinder. I had imagined it was only a hook up site but turns out it isn’t just that, it can be whatever you want it to be.

So, 1st week onboard the Tinder train I get talking to a few nice guys and discover I do have a type – beards, tattoos and specs, which is handy as there are literally tons of men out there that have all three.

First Tinder date is a 90 minute meet in a pub in town while my son is at a market research. Turns out a time limited date is actually ideal (top tip there, you’re welcome). He was sweet and handsome with tattoos and a lovely beard but his English was extremely limited and I felt like I was interviewing him. We did kiss though which I was surprised about but went with it as it was jolly nice. Turns out he was far too keen though as within 30 minutes of leaving him he was messaging me saying how much he wished he was with my son and me, the three of us together. Now, I was available for a possible relationship but my son was most certainly not. Not for some time. I gave it a few more days but he was only getting more into the idea of an instant family so he had to go. Too much, too soon.

Onto 2nd first date; I quickly hit it off with guy number 2. Few messages sent and suddenly he’s calling me on the phone; I know, the phone who does that now? Anyway, I had forgotten how much I do love a chinwag on the phone and we get on great. Fast forward 4 days and we meet up. We have a really lovely evening, he is really smiley and fun and polite. He did drop some major (I can now see) revelations which would most definitely come under T.M.I. He had taken part in 2 porn films, he had slept with 5000 woman (a feat which my friend later calculated was mathematically impossible for his age) and was into swinging (no great shock there after the previous revelations). T.M.I aside I was sure there was chemistry and his messages and subsequent calls confirmed this. Then suddenly he disappeared without trace?! After boring my friends and family rigid with some very thorough text message analysis I finally accepted it was to forever remain a mystery as to why he had gone cold on me and moved on to set up 1st date number 3.

I made some major rookie errors here. Met up with him at 6pm for dinner in a pub – this is not a good idea when you are already not 100% feeling it. Five extremely long hours later I find myself inviting him for tea as he dropped me home – what was my voice doing disobeying my brain?  Side note -my mum lives with me half the year which is fabulous as I get to spend time with her and she helps me no end with childcare. During the cuppa, date 3 is already making plans to move in and is asking me what I would do with my mum?! I know, I know – what a keeper eh?! The following day I politely and kindly told him that my mum would be staying put and his moving plans would have to go on ice, forever.

I threw myself back into swiping and for a few days I was, without doubt a bit addicted to Tinder. I know this to be true as one day I ran out of likes so had to go cold turkey for 12 hours.. It was the Christmas holidays, nothing was on the TV and I was enjoying looking and reading the good, bad and sometimes downright weird profiles. My own profile was fine tuned to try and avoid wasting my time and any potential suitors precious time. First date 4 was set up with ease – he was kind and quite sweet but there was zero spark. I had worked out what my deal breakers were by then and was getting quite good at first dates. My 1st date number 5 turned into a mini full blown relationship almost immediately. It was a case of way too much, way too soon but I was as much at fault in this as him. It might have been ok but he it turned out he was very angry and not very nice to me at all. My friends and family saw this quickly and wanted me out of it but I had to call it myself. Thank goodness I realised that actions speak louder than words/false promises and in the back of a taxi called time on a very fleeting, fledgling relationship which was only making me sad.

I then took a time out for a wee bit to collect myself and reevaluate what I am looking for online.

I was touched and also a little bit unsettled that my son seems to understand a bit of what Tinder is. After I had a chat with him about online safety, he went away had a think and then sat down with me and basically gave me the same talk about meeting people online. I didn’t quite know what to say as he had some fair points to make I just never expected to get dating advice from my 8 year old son.

Now I am in conversations with several nice sounding guys. Some conversations are few and far between. Others are intense and brief. I’m not sure if I will meet anyone that I will have a meaningful relationship with through Tinder but there are no guarantees of this in life offline either and I feel I don’t have anything to lose and only more experience to gain. As long as I have the right attitude, am safe, sort of sensible and remember as I read on another blog; there are no such things as bad dates only good stories – I will carry on swiping.

(T.M.I. in case you don’t know & to save you googling – is Too Much Information)

claire davies

Mother to Cooper. Lover of travelling. Optimist. Organiser.

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