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MAMA SNOWBEAR - 7 Dec 17

It’s a bright and breezy Thursday morning and I’m on my way to do the school drop off, ready for some bitchy looks some smileys and then overhearing the mums gossip about the most recent school dramas or playground showdowns. Alternatively, perhaps today we will just be ignored when politely saying hello to other people. Who knows? Its potluck but at least the lollypop man is adorable and full of conversation no matter the weather.

I’m  soon to be 30 OH CRIKEY, not eight, and while I thought I had left the playground bitching behind when I left school 14 years ago, it seems I was wrong. Oh so very wrong.
In the Four years, I have had children at school I have discovered just how bad some school mums can be at bitching and bullying. I honestly do not envy the Headmistresses job of handling those ones. I have made some lovely friends who I love meeting up with, not just because of our children but because we really get on brilliantly. But then there are the bitchy mums – the ones who stand and whisper, looking over while they gather round their cauldron, going deadly silent when other people approach giving you the ultimate death stare, I mean come on I’m hardly Donald trump.

At this point, I must admit to being a bit dumb at times. I’m not very good at noticing when someone is ignoring me. Both of my children are school age so my main concern in the morning is to ensure that I dispatch the correct child to the correct location and that they arrive reasonably maintained to the school gates.

Just in time, I might add and as a mum we all know this is no easy task, unless we are mega prepared and awake at 6am or earlier. Lets face it some days we are super mummy’s with a face full of make up and other days we just mess that day right out the window and chicken dippers are for tea. (Bad mummy etiquette ha.)

However, there is some behaviour even I can’t ignore. Currently one mum regularly bares her teeth at me and many other mothers walking on by in the morning gobbing off at who she feels deserves it that day, glares at me and shows a huge amount of animosity towards me and other poor mothers just doing their daily duty. Attempts to befriend have been thrown back  and I am now at the stage where I honestly don’t care. In fact, if she wanted to befriend me, it would probably terrify me I almost feel sorry for her perhaps she just has anger issues.

My ability to laugh this strange behaviour off is related to the fact that I know I’m not alone. Speaking with various friends throughout the country, many have similar tales to tell of the long lost love affair of the school playground.

However, as an adult thing’s tend to be a bit different and I have found that it really doesn’t bother me like it would a child. My husband and I can sit and shake our heads and laugh at the immaturity of some parents. In addition, with friends I can swap stories, each more bizarre than the last. As long as our children don’t realise that they have not been invited to a birthday party because their mum doesn’t like our child, or us that’s all that matters.

But as a mum to two beautiful intelligent emotionally aware 7 year and 5 year olds, I do feel a bit sad when they complain about someone being horrible to them at school ,or that they have not been given the same invite as the rest of the class they are friends with. I have to leave them with the mistaken belief that grown-ups don’t act like this and only children can be mean because they don’t fully understand yet. If only this was reality so instead i tell them unfortunately there are  some horrible people in this world and that as long as they treat people kindly and how they would like to be treated the world may end up kinder.

Hopefully they will learn to be robust like their father and me, finding the behaviour slightly amusing and timing the school run to arrive just as the bell goes, with no time to chat, we only have time for nice guys in this household.

Checklist for the Scariest playground mums and their tactics

Head honcho: Probably involved in the PTA or other school related activities. Head honcho makes her presence known and is never seen on her own. Conversations will be more like interviews with her gleaming required information from you quickly and effectively.

The Clique: Are sure that power comes with the pack. The Clique will make it obvious they are speaking about you by glancing over and going silent on your approach. When separated from the group, members can appear nice on the surface, but always look guilty when chatting.

Muzzle Mum: So called because she growls and snarls so much you consider calling the RSPCA. Muzzle Mum acts so unfriendly and is so obviously nasty that you wonder why anyone would ever talk to her voluntarily. Her main weapon is her face, which can change to a beaming smile and an overbearing welcome when the right person comes along but most of the time if she’s not shouting at another mother she definitely looks like she’s ready to bite.

MAMA SNOWBEAR

Mother of 2,Artist ,creator,blogger and illustrator who enjoys lots of tea and the occasional glass of malbec :)

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