What being a Mum for 8 years has taught me

Emily du Feu - 25 Apr 18

Now firstly, I’m not sure I’m old enough to have an 8 year old – I mean that’s just ridiculous right? But if I ignore the figure, Finley turning 8 leaves me feeling nostalgic about being a mum.

So here we go… 9 things being a Mum has taught me and everyday is still a school day for me!

1. Pick your battles

Some days you’ll have the time, motivation and patience to deal with all the life lessons… some days you just have to pick the most important ones for your own sanity.

2. Be consistent

This probably seems like a contradiction to the above – but generally be consistent. My kids do well with a rough routine and both of their parents are on the same page as to what is expected of them.

3. Make your own parenting decisions and stick to them

What works for one parent/child/family will not always work for another. I’m all for a comradery of mumhood. I’ve learnt lots of valuable mum lessons from my friends. But we are all different, our kids are all different, our lives are all different. Embrace your mum friends to learn that we are all in it together – and not alone. Go with your gut, try it, adapt it, do what works for you.

4. Be kind to yourself

Our children will always be the most important things in our lives. FACT. You can fight it as much as you like but if you don’t look after yourself you will fall apart and if you fall apart into pieces on the floor you can care for no-one.

5. It’s a rollercoaster

There’s been nothing else in life for me yet that has been as bumpy as the newborn rollercoaster, when in 3 days your daily life changes so much you don’t recognise it and then it does it again. But even now with an 8, nearly 6 and 20 month old – it’s still a rollercoaster. You can bumble along with the bigger two, trying to teach them right from wrong, to make good choices and be kind and you think all is generally going ok and then the headteacher calls you to tell you there’s been an incident at school where your child has made a bad choice and been unkind and right there and then you go crashing down a huge rollercoaster dip and feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. But my favourite saying over the past 8 years has been “this too shall pass”. Because from 8 years experience – so far it has… but there will always be something else but we all carry on.

6. Hearing them speak

Whilst having 3 children, working full time and having a military husband means ‘spare’ time is very sparce. There’s nothing more grounding or perspective enhancing than listening to your children talk about what they have done/seen/feel. And when they tell you of their own accord how much they love you then you’ll forgive almost anything (even calls from the headteachers – eventually)!

7. Talk through the mum guilt

Mum guilt comes in all shapes, sizes and forms. Working, not working, lack of money, lack of space, lack of experiences, lack of siblings, lack of time, not enough fruit and veg, promising something and then not being able to fulfill that promise, circumstances not being what you wanted for them, pain (physical and emotional) that you can’t take away… the list is quite literally endless. And I haven’t met anyone yet who hasn’t felt mum guilt in some form. My only advice for this is to try and put things into perspective. If you can do things to lessen the mum guilt then do it – but if you can’t then there are ALWAYS families out there with circumstances much worse than yours. Look for the positives. My positives to me working full time Mum guilt are: I traded part time hours for full time hours and my trade off was that I work from home remotely, so I do the school run everyday, the homework, I’m around for dinner and I’m also not out of the house for lots of hours. Me working also means we can afford for them to do Beavers/Cubs, Gymnastics and swimming which we wouldn’t be able to afford to do without me working.

8. Naps and cake save lives

One of my favourite Instagrammers @Steph_dont_buy_her_flowers uses #napssavelives a lot as she has not long had her third baby and I am also a big advocate of this too! Wine and Gin or whatever is your go to – DO IT. You’ll feel much better for it. #cakesaveslives

9. Don’t judge your life by social media

I am a HUGE social media fan – hell I’ve made it my job! And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with #showingyourbestlife on it. I love accounts who show the highs and the lows, who make me laugh and who are brutally honest. If an account is making you feel poop about your own life or your parenting or whatever then have a stern word with yourself and remember this is just a tiny snippet – or unfollow them! Only follow accounts who make you feel happy! Here’s some I enjoy and highly recommend… @mother_of_daughters @dresslikeamum @thehomethatmademe @mutha.hood @gettingstuffdoneinheels @susiejverril @steph_dontbuyherflowers @mother_pukka @scummymummies  @hurrahforgin  @inpolife

Emily du Feu

View profile for posts, events and more info