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For some reason in my slightly warped brain, Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus has always reminded me of childbirth. Maybe it’s the site of her writing around on that concrete ball. It reminds me of trying to bounce the baby out on a birthing ball. It’s been a while since I wrote a parody, so I thought why not have a crack at wrecking ball and make it all about child birth.
If you are pregnant and reading this, don’t worry it’s not that bad. Well it is. But many of us subject ourselves to it again. Plus you get this very tiny, slighly weird
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alien creature at the end which makes it all totally worth it. Even the stitches.
So channel you inner Miley and sing along. The original video is at the bottom of this post if you want to get some karaoke vibes going….
I puked, I bloomed, my belly grew
I peed, all the bloody time
I read, all of the books there were
and went, to antenatal class
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
I can’t take the pain, coming from my foo
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt
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that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you tore me
I carried you for nine long months
And now, you’re not playing ball
I panted and I pushed so hard
And now, forceps are coming out
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
I can’t take the pain, coming from my foo
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
You came out like a wrecking ball
Yeah,
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I just closed my eyes and pushed
Left me crying in a sweaty mess
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you tore me
I never meant to do a poo
I just wanted you to leave my womb
And instead of using force
I guess I should’ve visualised
I never meant to do a poo
I just wanted you to leave my womb
I guess I should’ve visualised
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
You came out
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like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and pushed
Left me crying in a sweaty mess
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you, you tore me
Yeah, you, you tore me
Here’s the real version…
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Claire Kirby - 24 Apr 18
For some reason in my slightly warped brain, Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus has always reminded me of childbirth. Maybe it’s the site of her writing around on that concrete ball. It reminds me of trying to bounce the baby out on a birthing ball. It’s been a while since I wrote a parody, so I thought why not have a crack at wrecking ball and make it all about child birth.
If you are pregnant and reading this, don’t worry it’s not that bad. Well it is. But many of us subject ourselves to it again. Plus you get this very tiny, slighly weird alien creature at the end which makes it all totally worth it. Even the stitches.
So channel you inner Miley and sing along. The original video is at the bottom of this post if you want to get some karaoke vibes going….
I puked, I bloomed, my belly grew
I peed, all the bloody time
I read, all of the books there were
and went, to antenatal class
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
I can’t take the pain, coming from my foo
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you tore me
I carried you for nine long months
And now, you’re not playing ball
I panted and I pushed so hard
And now, forceps are coming out
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
I can’t take the pain, coming from my foo
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
You came out like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and pushed
Left me crying in a sweaty mess
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you tore me
I never meant to do a poo
I just wanted you to leave my womb
And instead of using force
I guess I should’ve visualised
I never meant to do a poo
I just wanted you to leave my womb
I guess I should’ve visualised
Don’t you ever say I took the easy way
I want all of the drugs
You came out like a wrecking ball
I never felt that burn before
All I wanted was some pain relief
All you ever did was tear me
You came out like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and pushed
Left me crying in a sweaty mess
All you ever did was tear me
Yeah, you, you tore me
Yeah, you, you tore me
Here’s the real version…
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I’m Claire, I’m in my mid thirties (37 still counts as mid, right?). My claim to fame is that I once spoke to Phillip Schoefield on a Going Live phone in. I know, awesome.
I live with three boys; The Husband, The Big One (6) who never ever stops talking, and The Little One (2) who never ever stands still.
We live in a Lego house. We don’t really, but we have so much off the stuff I could probably build one.
My blog is mainly about the amusing side of parenting, and life with small people. If you’ve ever been wedged in the rollers at soft play, or forgotten the change bag the day your kid projectiles, you my friend are not alone. Like anything in life, this blog is best enjoyed with tea and chocolate.
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